Not Covered by Disability

(As long as we're going silly ... . Apologies in advance. This hit me and I felt compelled to share. As always, I blame caffeine.)

“So if you ain’t a natural-born shifter,” Louie said, “what the hell happened?”

“Magic,” Gil replied. “I wanted to be a wolf, so I worked a spell. Trouble is, I didn’t double-check all the ingredients first. Asshole sold me the wrong fur.”

Louie looked the squirrel up and down. Given his size, that took barely a second. “Tough break,” he commiserated. “I gotta ask, though. Why a wolf? I mean, you could’a been anything.”

“Yeah, I know. Don’t rub it in. I guess I picked werewolf because of all the great press they get. Not to mention the women. Werewolves score more than vampires.”

“That’s ’cause vampires can’t get the job done. Ain’t much a woman can do with a dead dick.”

“You got that right. Anyway, I would have taken anything big and dangerous. I mean, you’ve seen my human form. Fur and fangs got that beat all to hell.” He shrugged. “Plus it had to be an animal women go gaga over. If I had to do it over again, I’d pick tiger. You can’t mistake that fur.”

“You’d do it over again?”

“Hell yeah. I always wanted to be an animal. I got psychological issues that’d drive Dr. Phil up the wall.”

“So this is a case of, whaddaya call it … ”

Gil nodded glumly. “Pawness envy.”