Showing posts with label Mary Ewing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Mary Ewing. Show all posts

Monday, December 1, 2014

Both Sides Now


“And that wraps up Thanksgiving,” Han Ewing said. He stacked the last of the clean dinner dishes into the kitchen cabinet and slammed the door with finality. “On to Christmas!”

“Oh yeah.” His brother Bo groaned. “Car accidents, drunks out partying, stampedes at the stores, fistfights over bargains. The most wonderful time of the year.”

“Good to see you’ve caught the Christmas spirit, bro.”

“Sure. You don’t have to deal with the dark underbelly of the holidays. You’ll be out tramping around in the woods, keeping all the forest creatures safe.”

“And getting shot at by hunters who’ll swear on the Bible they didn’t see the ‘No Hunting’ signs. The Goslin clan’s already in a panic. Not to mention the Turkles have been stockpiling ammo for two months already. Maybe I should just deputize them.”

“You’re still safer than in town. Do we have a tree yet?”

“If not, then we should in the next couple days. Beaver Brothers Construction always comes through. Are they planning on having the living nativity again?”

“Far as I know.” Both bighorns turned to smirk at their sister Mary, who was straightening the dining room. She caught the movement and looked at them, their moving mouths in particular. “Wonder who’ll be playing the Virgin Mary this year?” Bo went on.

“Yeah,” Han chimed in, “seeing as how their regular choice doesn’t qualify any more.” Mary scowled at her brothers and flashed a gesture not part of international sign language, but understood nevertheless.

“So, will Porker be joining us for Christmas dinner again?” Bo asked. “He finally going to stick an apple in his mouth?”

“His name’s Brian,” Han corrected, with an evil grin at his sister. “He’ll be served on a platter if Daddy Vern has his way. Mary’s not the only one in the family with a taste for pork.” Mary raised her other hand and added a second finger.

“Excuse me.” Elly came in from the porch. “Did I just hear my beloved husband’s name being taken in vain?”

“No, Ma,” Han said quickly. “We’re just trying to get into Christmas mode. Bo and I’ll be helping to set up the decorations in town, like always. We were just wondering if the paper’s going to help sponsor the celebration again.”

Mary came in from the dining room and signed frantically. “And teasing your poor sister,” Elly said.

“Well, yeah,” Bo admitted. “You can’t blame us for taking advantage of an easy target.”

Mary’s quick eye caught the end of his statement. She whapped Bo upside the head. Hannibal backed out of reach.

“I’d revise that assessment, if I were you,” Elly said dryly. She touched Mary’s hand to get her daughter’s attention. “Are you still seeing Brian, hon? Will he be joining us again for dinner this year?”

Mary nodded. Bo snorted. Elly didn’t need to turn around to know Han’s expression mirrored his brother’s. “Nobody’s putting any meat on my table, not even for Christmas dinner,” Elly announced. “Certainly not pork. What Vernon and his boys eat at the Grease ‘N’ Grill for their Christmas lunch is their own affair.”

Mary continued to shoot significant glares at her brothers. “Brian's welcome at our table, and not as an entrĂ©e. You should all know that,” Elly said. Her eyes took on a wicked sparkle. “He’s a boar, so that makes him an omnivore. I’ll bet he’s fun in the sack.”

All three stared at their mother, Mary in particular. “Uh, Ma … ” Bo hazarded.

“No, really. I think it’s the meat in their diet. Predators are just more … exciting. It’s that whole stalk and attack mindset that you don’t get with an herbivore. Vern, for instance … ”

Han came around her to stand with Bo and Mary. “Really, Ma, you don’t need to—”

“I never would have said this or even thought it while your father was alive, but now that I’ve experienced both sides, I have to say carnivores are so much better in bed. I’d try eating meat myself if it didn’t make me throw up.”

The boys bleated, “Maaa-aaaa!”

“Not that that’s ever stopped me from eating—”

All three younger Ewings bolted. They didn’t stop until they were well into the back yard, out of earshot. Or, in Mary’s case, out of lipshot.

“I’m gonna be sick,” Bo groaned. “I swear.”

“We should have stomped that damn wolf the second she announced her engagement,” Han said. “You’re lucky you couldn’t hear that,” he added to Mary.

I read her lips, Mary signed. Now I wish I was blind. Her face twisted into a definite ewwwwwww.

Back in the kitchen, Elly’s laughter drew Vern downstairs. He spotted his bighorn stepchildren milling miserably in the back yard. “Elly, what have you done to your young’uns this time?”

“Just making their lives a living hell. It’s a mother’s duty. Don’t you ever drive your cubs up the wall?”

“Hell yes. Gotta keep the whelps in line. Especially Nick, the little asshat. What was this one about?”

Elly told him. “I’m not concerned. My little lamb hasn’t been so little for a good long while, but you know older brothers. I’m just happy she picked a good one.”

“Are we still talking about the biker?”

“Dante’s a biker too. There’s more to Brian than that. If there wasn’t, I would have butted his ham hocks out the door long before now.”

“What happened to Mary being a grownup?”

“She’ll always be my little lamb.” Elly moved into his arms. “And you’re my big bad wolf.”

“What big eyes you have,” Vernon said with a leer. “And a fleece as white as snow.”

“My fleece was never white as snow and you know it.”

“Damn straight. It’s why I married you.”

Hannibal peered in through the kitchen window, recoiled, and reported the developing situation to his siblings. Elly’s kids opted to spend the rest of the evening elsewhere.

Monday, February 10, 2014

Head Over Heel


It was never spoken of or planned among the Ewing siblings, but simply understood: on days when they knew the Bighorn Diner would be busy, they’d stop by if they could and help out. Today Bo and Mary showed up after closing, to find Hannibal already clearing off tables. “So how did it go?” Bo asked.

Their mother, Elly McMahon, came out of the kitchen and flopped down into a booth, tired but smiling. “The Bighorn Valentine’s Day Breakfast Special was a huge success. I had more cooing couples and served up more plates of strawberry flapjacks than I normally do in a month. And more blueberry, sadly.”

Deaf-mute Mary signed, Blueberry?

“For the single folks,” Hannibal explained. “Not everybody’s like us. Some folks can’t get a date.”

Mary went to the register to close out. Bo started wiping down. “Yeah, it’s a tough day for some,” Bo said. “One of the bars out by the exit is having a contest. Tell a bad Valentine’s Day story and get a free sympathy beer.”

“You’re set, right?” Han asked his mother.

“Depends.” Elly wiped her forehead with a napkin. “Vern’s serving beef heart at the Grease ‘n’ Grill. No way I’m going near the place, and I told him not to come home until he’s had a shower. Ooof, what a morning. Maybe I should try out for that beer.”

Vernon’s not so bad, Mary signed. As long as he brushes his teeth.

“Not with that story. I had a sucky Valentine’s once. It involved your father.”

That got their attention. Hannibal set his dirty dishes aside, Bo dropped his cloth, and Mary came out from behind the counter. They crowded into the booth. Hannibal’s bulk successfully penned Elly in. “Spill,” Bo said. “What about Dad? I thought you two had a perfect marriage.”

“Marriage, yes. Dating, though … that got a little rocky.” Elly leaned her elbows on the tabletop and peered off into the past. “He was quite the ram back then. He came down from Canada to play American football. You’ve got his size,” she said to Han, “but he was built more like you,” she added to Bo. “With a quick temper and a hard head,” she finished wryly to Mary. “But then, we’ve all got that. Comes with the horns.

 “Anyway, Jacques and I hit it off from the get-go. For months we were inseparable. But he was handsome and knew it, and there were always plenty of girls around who were more than willing to fawn all over the football hero. I knew he was slipping off to graze in other pastures. I gritted my teeth and put up with it because I was in love.

“Then Valentine’s Day rolled around. We had a date. I expected a romantic dinner and maybe a commitment. What I got was a phone call telling me he had practice and he’d see me when he was done.”

“Football practice?” Hannibal frowned. “In Montana? In February?”

“Exactly.” Elly nodded. “To say I was pissed would be an understatement. I’d been looking forward to this. I’d bought a new dress and everything. Well, I had some hawk friends, and they did an aerial recon and helped me track him down. He was having my romantic Valentine’s dinner at my favorite restaurant with some other girl. An elk, of all things. One of those long-faced cows with the big, bony knees. Well, that did it. I shifted right there in the restaurant. Ripped my dress and everything. I slammed him right in the gut and knocked Mr. Hotshot Football Hero flat on his ass.”

Bo whistled. “Whoa,” said Han.

“Yeah. Whoa. While he was lying there with spinach alfredo all over his best shirt, I shifted back and told him what a piece of shit he was and how I never wanted to see him again. Then I marched out of there. To thunderous applause, I might add.”

Did you get the elk too? Mary signed.

“Didn’t have to. She hightailed it when the table fell over. That cow wasn’t as stupid as she looked.”

“I’m assuming you and Dad got past that,” Hannibal said.

“Yeah. Funny thing. Seems getting publically butted by a PO’d bighorn ewe cleared your daddy’s head. The next morning he showed up at my house and begged my forgiveness. He was still wearing the shirt. It still had spinach on it. I slammed the door in his face. I did a lot of door-slamming over the next three weeks, but your daddy wouldn’t give up. Hard-headed, you know. My hawk buddies told me he wasn’t chasing any other girls. In fact, he was turning them down. So I decided to give him another chance. Now there was a courtship for the ages. Your dad could be quite the charmer when he wanted to be.

“Needless to say, our second Valentine’s Day went a helluva lot better than the first. That was the day I married him.” She patted Hannibal’s arm. “We almost made it three in a row, but you popped out a week early.”

Hannibal shrugged. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be. I don’t regret a single second of the life I had with your father. Especially once I found out he loved cooking as much as I do. This diner was his dream just as much as mine. And every Valentine’s Day he woke me with breakfast in bed. Strawberry flapjacks. His specialty.” She dabbed a napkin at her eyes. “Damn dry air. Forget the beer. I could go for a cup of coffee.”

Instantly Mary scrabbled out of the booth and headed for the pot. Hannibal hugged his mother. “Sit back and relax. We’ve got this.”

“Are you sure? You haven’t seen the kitchen yet.”

“Mary’ll get that,” Bo said. Mary turned around just in time to catch the movement of his lips. She stuck her tongue out at him.

“Careful there, sonny,” Elly said. “That girl butts like her mom. Now, which one of you fine young men wants to load the dishwasher?”

SPECIAL VALENTINE’S WEEK DAILY GIVEAWAY

Got a favorite Valentine’s Day story? Good or bad, happy or sad. Tell us in the comments. Our favorite will win a free PDF copy of Coyote Moon. Stop back tomorrow for another Valentine tale of the Peak and another free giveaway!

Monday, December 23, 2013

Silent Night


Porker peered out the bedroom window for what must have been the dozenth time that evening. “Are you s-s-sure your f-f-folks w-w-won’t be back?”

Mary tugged him away from the window and back to the bed. She’d already explained, in signing and writing, that they had the house to themselves. Yes, Vern McMahon had happily abandoned his bachelor apartment and moved into the rural Ewing home when he’d married Elly. But tonight, Christmas Eve, they were down in Talbot’s Peak sharing the holiday with Mooney and Marissa and the grandpups. They wouldn’t be home until well after Loki and Thor had made a thorough mess of the living room ripping into their gifts on Christmas morning.

Porker glanced at the window again. “Your b-b-b-brothers—”

Have their own apartments, Mary signed. And dates. Wherever they drag home to in the morning, it won’t be here. She snuggled closer to Porker. It’s just you and me, all night long, on Christmas.

Porker opened his mouth. Mary shut it with a finger on his lips, then opened it again with a kiss. Her private world of silence expanded to encompass the bedroom. Porker willingly joined in.

Finally Mary pulled back. She teased at the zipper on his leather biker jacket. Do you want your present now or later?

He didn’t bother with signing. He went right for her fuzzy Christmas sweater. She slid his jacket off his fine bulky shoulders. Each eyed their gifts and found them exactly what they wanted.

Porker pointed to the window without speaking. Mary glanced beyond him. A fine snow had begun to swirl down from the cloudy skies. A white Christmas was pretty much a given in this part of Montana, but the timing of this storm was excellent.

They took their time removing each other’s outer clothing. Mary slid out of her silk bra and panties. Those were a gift from Penelope, and too delicate to risk in a boar’s eager hands. Mary herself wasn’t delicate, and on this special night she fully intended to prove it.

Merry Christmas, Brian, she mouthed.

Porker frowned. “I t-t-told you not to c-c-c-all me—” he started, when Mary shut him up with her mouth again. She snuck her hand down his boxers to seal the deal. Porker forgot all about his annoyance over his given name. He held her close and murmured words Mary couldn’t hear. His hands, however, shouted out his message loud and clear. Merry Christmas, babe.

And the rest, as they say, is silence. Except for some grunts and one long squeal, and soft, ecstatic bleats.

Monday, December 9, 2013

The Lusty Ladies of Talbot's Peak Present ...


“Is this everybody?” Mistress Penelope did a slow-mo turn in Java Joe’s cramped back room, more to show off her skintight rhinestoned catsuit than to do a check of the roster. Satisfied on both counts, Penelope announced, “All right, then. This meeting of the Talbot’s Peak Ladies Society Wednesday Afternoon Book Club is hereby called to order.”

“That's ten minutes right there," Ziva said. "We need a shorter name."

Jamie raised his hand. “Point of order here. I ain’t no lady.”

“None of us is, sweetie. It’s just an expression. And we had a shorter name, but the Lusty Ladies Book Meet got us too much of the wrong attention.”

Mary Ewing waved for an explanation. “Men wanted in,” Penelope said, moving her lips slowly so Mary could follow. “They weren’t into reading, either.”

“Unless the book in question was The Joy of Sex.” Greely made a face. “I dated one of those guys once. ‘Joy’ and ‘sex’ were mutually exclusive terms in his case.”

“Now that we’ve discouraged the bad element,” Penelope said, “we can get on with our meetings in peace. Get to the good stuff, as it were.” She took her seat and crossed her legs in a prim move that made Ziva snicker. “Who wants to start?”

To no one’s surprise, Jamie raised his hand again. “Another classic from—” Ziva coughed into her hand. “Tempest Arouz?”

“Why don’t we just cut the crap? It’s Lamar. Everybody knows it.”

“I’m all for it. I like a good male-on-male tale,” Penelope said. Heads nodded around the circle. “Is he going to write another one about Dillon and Coltrain?”

“As a matter of fact … ” Jamie stood. He faced Mary so she could read his lips, but spoke to the entire group. He held up a sheaf of papers. “Lamar just sent this one off to his publisher. It doesn’t even have a cover yet.” He shot a glance at Penelope. “You’ll probably want to make one up.”

“If it has hot parts. Does it have hot parts?”

“C'mon. Lamar wrote it. It’s all one big hot part. The readers get so wiped out by the time the real sex happens it’s like overkill.”

Ziva leaned forward, nearly tipping her coffee mug. “Does Dillon stop being the world’s biggest douche and finally admit how much Colt means to him?”

"You know I can't spill that. We’re going for a series here. Y’can’t throw everything into the pot first time out. What’ll you do in the next six books?”

Penelope immediately pounced on the “we” and got the hot blush she was looking for. “I’m helping out with this one. Kind’a. Colt’s a photographer. Lamar keeps bugging me for tips.”

“I’ll just bet he does,” Penelope murmured. “Speaking of tips, have you had a chance to test that advice I gave you?”

Just when you thought a red wolf couldn’t get any redder. All the ladies giggled at the tint of Jamie’s skin. “I thought we were talking about fiction here.”

Taking pity, Penelope said, “All right. Back to the business at hand.”

“Does he?” Greely asked. “With his hand. That scene in the last book was one of my favorites.”

“It goes a ways past hands in this one. If I say any more I’ll wreck the plot.”

Mary was gesturing frantically. “Out the door and to your right,” Ziva said.”

“Ain’t that,” Jamie said. “You haven’t read this series yet, have you? Okay. Dillon’s a cop and Colt’s a crime photographer. They solve mysteries, then they—” At a loss for the word for “fuck” in sign language, Jamie settled for jabbing his forefinger through a circle of his thumb and index finger. Mary nodded, understanding.

"Dillon’s a real hard case,” Greely said. “Closeted as all get out.”

“Can’t imagine who Lamar based him on,” Ziva said.

“And where’s the hot Latin sex?” Penelope said. “Lamar always writes these smoldering Hispanic characters. Dillon and Coltrain? Has he gone Anglo on us?”

“Dillon’s mom was an illegal Mexican. It’s one of the secrets he keeps bottled up. It’s why he’s so randy in bed. All that frustration’s gotta blow off somehow.”

Greely bounced up and down on her chair. “Excerpt! Excerpt!”

“Lessee.” Jamie riffled through the pages. He cleared his throat. “Dillon ripped the newspaper from Colt’s hands. ‘I don’t want to read about it,’ he growled. ‘I want to do it. I want to do you.’ ’So what’s stopping you?’ Colt said. 'This.’ Dillon tore Colt’s belt away and practically ripped the zipper down its length. ‘And this.’ He hooked his fingers into the elastic rim of Colt’s briefs. His eyes dared Colt to stop him, to tell him anything but yes.” Jamie looked up from the pages. “You hear something?”

“Just my heartbeat and a lot of ragged breathing,” Ziva said. “Don’t stop now.”

Suddenly the ventilation grate near the ceiling popped off. A huge snake slithered down the wall to form a coil on the floor. The coil reared up and turned into Lamar. He glowered at Jamie.“So this is what you do on Wednesdays. Darkroom, my ass.”

“It’s a room,” Jamie stammered. “It’s dark.”

“This is why you can’t be with me? Because you have to be with—” He looked around. “Hey. You’re all women.”

“Last time we checked.” Penelope took command. “We’re a book club. We’re big fans of Tempest Arouz and her work. I’m the one who coerced Jamie into giving us previews. You’re fast, but it’s still a long wait between books.”

“And we’re going nuts with this whole Dillon/Coltrain thing,” Greely put in. “They should … ” She broke off and stared at the nothing between Lamar’s legs. “Where’s your ding-dong?”

“Somebody else explain to the frog that snakes are built differently. So that’s it?” Lamar said to Penelope. “You dragged my boyfriend away from me so you could talk about books?”

“So we could talk about dirty books,” Ziva corrected. “There’s a big difference. I’m assuming you read 50 Shades?”

“Couldn't get past the first twenty pages.” Lamar sniffed. “Christian's a rank amateur. Why am I only hearing about this group now?”

“Well … ” Jamie’s blush achieved a whole new level of red. “I know you think I don’t like what you write, but I do, really. Only if you knew that, you’d want to … ”

Lamar grinned. “Do all the stuff in the books?”

We thought you were already, Mary signed.

“We’re fascinated by the creative process,” Penelope said. “Could you tell us where you got the idea for the series? And why a series? You’ve only written standalones up until now.”

“That’s because up until now I was standing alone.” Lamar had no trouble switching over from miffed to center of their rapt attention. “Now that I’m in a committed relationship, I want to explore that in my writing. Hence the continuing story of Dillon and Colt.” He hooked his arm around Jamie’s waist and yanked the uncomfortable wolf against his naked serpentine body. “Let me tell you what prompted that scene my biggest fan here was reading.”

“How much of it was based on real life?” Ziva wanted to know.

Lamar’s grin got bigger. “Funny you should ask.”

# # #

Out in the coffee shop, two cowboys on a break listened to the peals of laughter echoing from behind the door to the back room. One of them sent a questioning look at the barista. “Book club,” the Goslin girl said with a shrug.

The cowboy snorted. “You kidding me? Books? They sit around reading? They call that fun?” He slurped a mouthful of coffee. “Women. They don’t know how the hell to have a really good time.”

Friday, October 19, 2012

ShapeShifter Seductions ~ The Bewitching Blog Hop

Halloween Wars

“Reinforced steel pipes, heavy duty rubber tubing, a gross of nuts, bolts, S-hooks and a short Red Riding Hood costume with crotchless panties.”  Glenn set down the scanner and looked up at an impatient Nick and his blushing brother Mooney.  “Ah Nick, does Ziva know about all of this stuff?”
 

“Oh Lupa no!  And she better not hear anything either…”  Nick raised an eyebrow his brother’s way before looking back at him and continuing.  “She’d never let this happen, Glenn, so better to ask for forgiveness rather than permission.”
 

“Nick, my man, do you remember the mantra we went over when you first started buying here…Safe, Sane and Consensual?  Hell, damn near anything is safe for shapeshifters and sane, well in this town who could really pinpoint sane vs. insane, but most importantly is the consensual.  Ziva has to be fully on board with, ah…”  Glenn looked again at the assortment of tools and could picture half a dozen uses.  None of which he figured Ziva would go for.  “…whatever you have planned.”
 

Glenn watched the light bulb go on as Nick surveyed the items he’d picked. 
 

“Ha, no…no, this isn’t for Z, well, the Shorty dress and crotchless panties are, but the rest is for something special.”
 

“Ooh, I’m telling Ziva…not special, you are so bust...Ow!”  Mooney rubbed the ear Nick cuffed and started to pout.
 

“I meant something non-sexually special.  Papa wolves don’t tattle, Moon, and they especially don’t pout.”  

Nick threw money on the counter to pay for his treasures and looked towards his brother.  “Now grab some stuff and let’s get it over to the grill.”
 

“How do we know they’ll even be there?”
 

“Moon, its Halloween and they just harvested all that unsatisfying and repulsive roughage.  They’ll be serving it to the Herbies…and so will we!”   
 

###
 

“It’s bad enough Mom felt she had to take off with that meat-eating lupine, but did she have to do it around the harvest?”
 

“Stop bitching, Bo and start making the pumpkin flapjacks.”Hannibal shoved him; hand over face, back into the kitchen.  “The crowds are getting restless.”
 

“Suck it, Peewee Hornman.”  Bo knew insulting his brother’s smaller horns was a bad idea, but he didn’t care.  This whole hitching and bolting action of his mother’s really put a crimp in their lives.  Now they were all doing double duty at their jobs and the restaurant.  He was cooking, which he hated.  Mary served, which really didn’t work well and Hannibal was the general ‘pain-in-the-ass’ manager.  Odds were damn good the Bighorn Diner would be run into the ground before she got back.
 

“Gah!”
 

Bo ran from the fuming Bighorn sheep now occupying his brother’s space next to the griddle.  Hannibal never could maintain his composure or shape when challenged.  Ten minutes later, the kitchen was wrecked, batter flung everywhere and Bo still couldn’t feel his hands or arms after using the cast iron frying pan on Hannibal’s head.
 

“Like I was trying to tell you, lug nut, we’re out of pumpkins.”
 

“Not possible, Bo,” Hannibal grumbled, holding his head with both hands. “We harvested over an acre of those damn things and they were pretty tightly packed.”
 

“Well they’ve sprouted legs and run away, because they are not here…”
 

THUNK, THUNK
 

General chaos erupted in the seating area out front.  Women screamed, children cried and the men swore. 
 

“Roasted buck nuts, what was that!”
 

Bo didn’t have time to answer his brother as he was already trying to decipher Mary’s frantic signing.  “Slow down, sis,” he both spoke and signed.  “Lick moon pump across…honestly, Mar, slow…”
 

“Fricken sex-fiend and his idiot monkey lovin’ brother are chuckin’ pumpkins at us from across the street!”  Hannibal bleated, his control appearing to be at an all time low.
 

“Ah, Nick and Mooney are tossing pump…wait, pumpkins?”  Bo ran to the window just in time to see another orange projectile hit the sidewalk in front of the flapjackery.  “Hell, those are our pumpkins!  How’d they get our stash?”
 

“Don’t know, don’t care.”  Hannibal blew through the dining room, tossing tables and chairs out of his way.  

“Get your ass over here and help us.”
 

Mary was on her knees pulling blood red hunks of flesh from the bottom of the cooler and putting them in a massive mixing bowl while Hannibal pulled funny looking weapons from the closet.  “Okay, now.  Yuk.”  He pointed at Mary’s heart attack in a bowl.  “And, what the blazes are you doing your ranger guns in the closet?  Those kill, man.”
 

“When’d you turn into such a little girl, Bo?”  Hannibal pushed past him and headed back to the window and door with Mary following close behind, dripping blood across the floor.  “This here is a bleacher reacher and the beaut currently being loaded by our tough as nails sister is the T-shirt Gatling gun.  These babies will beat that stupid looking slingshot the desk humper has.”
 

“Whoya…eat it, Herbies!”  Taunts and chuckles came at them from across the street as did more fruit.
 

“What the hell is wrong with those two?”  Not like he needed to ask.  After all, this was the McMahon brothers, a prankster pair at home with gross destruction of property.
 

Another pumpkin found its way to the sidewalk, splattering in front of the open door and flying in all directions.  Some landed on Bo’s shoes; a glop ended up in Mary’s hair and a large section veered off and flew through Java Joe’s plate glass next door.
 

“Damn it, Nick, not there.  Marissa’s gonna kill me or worse douse me with mange again…gah!”
 

“Man up, Moon.”
 

Bo swallowed back a yelp of hysterical laughter and put his hand out.  “Someone give me a gun.”
 

“’Bout time, brother.”  Hannibal jumped up and slapped him on the back.  “Here, you take the cannon while I get me a little Gat action.”
 

Gourds of all sizes pummeled their side of the street even as raw meat flew back.  The mess was atrocious, but the combatants were beyond caring.  There could be only one winner in this family war and Bo would be damned if it was those stinky wolves.
 

##
 

“Fire in the hole!”
 

“That’s it, Moonster, let it fly…wooo!”
 

Mooney had to admit, manning up or regressing down, sure felt good.  Marissa was going to have his balls for defacing Java Joe’s, but who knew, maybe he could sweet talk his way out of the mange.  Right now though he was going to enjoy chuckin’ pumpkins.
 

“Told ya you’d love this.”  Nick was grinning ear to ear, but why not.  This was burned into his alpha nature.  Besides, he had the money and pull to get him out of anything.
 

“Yep, you did.  Load me up.”
 

“What in the name of the great Lupa is going on here!”  “My restaurant!”
 

“Scat…oh scat,” Mooney whined, letting go of the rubber tubing.  He watched the last pumpkin hurl its way into the street only to explode all over his new stepmother.  “Pops is gonna rip our guts out with his teeth.”    
 

“Nope, only yours.”
 

Mooney heard the feminine scream, then panic set in as he watched his dad shift to wolf.  “Why only mine, wood whisperer?”
 

“’Cause I run faster!”
 

Nick changed and bolted before he even had a chance to think of becoming wolf.  The last thing he saw with his human eyes was a Bighorn sheep mama chasing three hard-headed kids into the destroyed eatery behind them and a pissed off dad snapping big assed teeth towards his tail.  Time to tuck and run.
 

“Eeeee…” 

Have a Pumpkin Chuckin' Happy Halloween!


Serena

  
~~~

YOU REALIZE THIS MEANS WAR

The battleground: the athletic field out behind Talbot’s Peak Senior High School. The combatants: the Lyon brothers, at war with the close-knit Tanton family. At stake: the attentions of the beauteous Amelia Swan, coveted by Dan Lyon and Steve Tanton alike. More important than that, however, are the bragging rights. This contest will determine once and for all just who’s king of the high school jungle.

The weapon of choice: pumpkins.

The warriors assemble on the field of battle: Dan and his three brothers, Larry, Doug and Norm. Norm’s the one in the glasses. He’s only a frosh, but he’s the brains of the group. Steve—“Tantor” to friends and foes alike—ambles up in his low-riders with his habitual sneer in place. The mob milling behind him consists of various cousins and whatnot. Dan has never bothered to learn their names. Tantor’s the head of the herd, the only one who matters here.

In the bleachers sits lovely Amelia, excitedly twisting her scarf.

Dan and Tantor face off, broad nose to long nose. “You know the rules?” Dan kicks off the challenge. “Are they acceptable?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Tantor snorts, affecting boredom. “Farthest pitch wins. Let’s get on with it, kittycat.”

Dan bristles and growls. Tantor’s bigger and broader than he is, has been since their rivalry started in grade school, but he can’t let that throw him. Honor is at stake here, the pride of his family name. If there’s one thing the Lyons understand, it’s pride.

“Where’s your gear?” Norm asks.

Tantor smirks, as if at a private joke. “In the trunk.”

Dan’s glare doesn’t budge an inch. He tells his brothers, “Get the catapult.”

The Lyons race for Dad’s pickup. Tantor gestures, and his hangers-on run to fetch the pumpkins. The Lyons have brought their own pumpkins, of course, swiped from neighboring farms. Norm did the measuring and picked the ones most likely to fly well. Dan wipes his mouth with the back of his hand and tastes victory.

Amelia watches, prepared, perhaps even eager, to become the property of the victor.

Dan’s brothers bring out the catapult, and it is indeed a thing of beauty. Norm drew up the schematics after much research on the Internet. It’s only a scale model, barely six feet, but their practice chucks hurled pumpkins half the length of a football field. The neighbor's cat escaped a launching only because Norm is soft-hearted.

The Tantons return with their ammo. Dan wrinkles his nose. These pumpkins are big, but already going to rot. The side of some have caved in already. They’ll make a pretty splat when they hit, but will they even fly? And what are they going to fly on? Dan still doesn’t any Tanton machinery.

“You go first,” Tantor invites. “Then we’ll show you how it’s done.”

The Lyons assemble their launcher in record time. Dan himself loads the first pumpkin. Norm pokes around every inch of the catapult, making last minute adjustments. “Let ‘er rip!” Dan roars.

The pumpkin’s flight is sheer perfection. It soars nearly the entire length of the football field, almost through the goalposts, which was the Lyons’ target. It hits the ground and ruptures with a whump audible clear across the field. Pumpkin guts go flying. Amelia leans forward to observe the gourd’s demise, then flashes Dan a thumbs-up.

“Yes!” Dan cries with a fist-pump. “And that’s the way the big cats do it, you—”

A section of rotted, squishy pumpkin hits him square in the chest. Through squinted eyes wet with pumpkin juice he sees now the extent of Tantor’s treachery. They never meant to hold an honest contest. It was all a ruse. While the Lyons kept to the rules—human form only—the elephants have shifted.

Tantor and his clan hurl their putrid ammo at the unprepared lion-boys. They can’t throw a pumpkin as far as a catapult, but with their victims right in front of them that isn’t a problem. They’re a lot more mobile than a catapult too, and fling their gourds with the force of a cannon.

Like the man said, it’s in the trunk.

“It’s a trap!” Dan yells, even as Larry goes down with a face full of pumpkin guts. “Run!” He dashes after Norm, who’s already sprinting for the bleachers. The elephants won’t be able to follow them under the seats without shifting. Once they’re human, they’ll be done for. You want to play it this way? Dan mentally snarls. I’ll teach you to mess with the king of the jungle.

It’s a decent plan and he’s got the heart for it, but Tantor has other plans. They’re fast, for such big beasts. They cut the lions off from safety. Even shifting to animal form won’t save Dan and his brothers now. The Tantons curl their trunks around their pumpkin bombs and move in for the kill.

It’s Tantor himself who screams first, when something hard and painful dents his big wrinkled behind. He whirls with trunk and pumpkin raised, and takes a shot in the eye. His screech rattles the bleachers. Amelia covers her ears.

It’s Norm, of course. When you’re the runt of the litter you have to be smarter and tougher in order to keep up with the pride. Norm always has a Plan B. He plants himself before Tantor and takes careful aim with his modified paintball gun. He’s got a shoulder bag loaded with the little mini-Jacks the farmers market hands out to the little kids. Dan had wondered why he brought those along. Now he realizes just how rock-solid the tiny pumps are, when blasted at a target at close range. Dan’s been on the wrong end of paintballs often enough to know how they can hurt.

Norm shoots, he scores. He aims for the eyes and the knees. Once he’s got their attention he starts shooting at their underbellies. Dan and the elephants realize simultaneously what Norm’s aiming for now. Tantor trumpets a shrill retreat, and the whole herd pounds for their truck, amid rock-hard, flying Jacks.

The Lyon boys are still playfully cuffing Norm and slapping his back when Amelia runs up. She brushes right past Dan and Larry and Doug and goes right for the gun. “This is ingenious!” she exclaims. “What is it? Did you make it?”

“In shop class.” Norm puffs out his chest. “Say hello to the Pump-Zooka 2000. The test firing smashed our bird house from thirty feet off. Normally I wouldn’t use it on a living creature, but circumstances—”

He’s still talking while he and Amelia amble back toward the school. Dan can only stare after them, slack-jawed, as the girl of his lustings walks away with his runty little nerd of a brother. It occurs to him all he had to do was bring her a kill and she might have looked his way. Who knew swans were so bloodthirsty?

# # #

The winner? That would be Digger the wolf and his human girlfriend, Laurie. They were strolling past the school when the battle went down. After the fight they came out to harvest the seeds. “I’m going to see if I can grow one of these babies,” Digger says. “Make some pumpkin pie. Laurie’s got a recipe. I love pumpkin pie. Don’t tell the pack I said that, though, okay?”

Posted by Pat C.

~~~ 

 A Witchy Menagish Delight



Melissa ducked as another pumpkin flew by her.  A second and a third one barely missed her.   A heavy thud sounded as pumpkin guts spattered her goggles.  Air swirled around her as her broom took a nosedive toward Edwards Pond.  The sky around Talbot’s Peak was alive and full tonight.  Sharing airspace with flying debris was not on her flight agenda.

She tried pulling up and leaning back hoping to regain her altitude.  Thank the Moon Goddess, she wasn’t sitting sidesaddle as many of her broom-riding group insisted was proper etiquette.  Luck wasn’t with her on reclaiming her prior course and missing all the projectiles littering the sky.  

One action might bring things under control.  The one spell she knew might work.  Melissa wiped her face, goggles included, against her shoulder and spoke.  “Caldrons, stars and sky help this witch make a correction from this terrible flight.  Show me the way to avoid the pond and land safely.”



Two bright beams of light crossed before her.  Another arced across the night.  Two huge pumpkins crossed before and disappeared back into the dark.  As the second spot light appeared, Melissa aimed for it.  The ground beneath her appeared.  Two men stood underneath a tree close to where she aimed to crash.  As she whispered more magical words and prayed, her descent slowed.  One of the men looked up.  His eyes seemed to lock with hers.   Ridiculous as it felt, Melissa focused on him.  His goatee beard and dark hair attracted her.  His companion glanced her direction and smiled.  His neatly trimmed hair and mustache added an air of mystery to him.

Rhys rubbed his ear as a clap of thunder sounded.  Two more pumpkins flew off the catapult near the school.  Three others launched near town.  Twice Jon yelled duck before they got the spotlights working. At least they could avoid any incoming misfired shots and keep the pond from bombardment they hoped.  Their crab apple grove was the center of the upcoming Thanksgiving maze contest.  If too many of the trees were damaged, the maze would be less intricate and daring.  Who in their right mind had deemed Halloween as if it flew, then chunk it night? 

Jon yelled and pointed again.  This time to an object heading straight toward them it appeared.  Rhys squinted.  What had Jon called it?  A UFO?  Unidentified Flying Object?  Gods and Goddesses, how could they identify a bloody thing in the sky when anything and everything was flying and airborne?  Still there was a unique shape to the item.  “Oh hell Jon, run for cover.  It’s coming straight at us.”

Jon pulled the lever working the skylight backwards.  He whistled and grinned.  “Rhys, we got a witch coming in at ---oh man straight for the pond.  Grab the boat.  She’s covered with pumpkin too.”

Rhys uncovered his ears and headed straight for the small boat he and Jon kept near the pond.  The small fishing boat would hold the two of them.  He hoped the poor woman ditched the broom before she hit the water.  Separating witches and their brooms wasn’t a common thing or getting them to do it easily either.

As they tracked the witchy female, Rhys calculated how long until impact.  It would be moments.  He pushed the boat out into the water.  Keeping an eye on where he stepped, Rhys got in and padded toward the center of the pond.    Rhys turned the boat around as he reached his destination.  He shielded his eyes and blinked.  Parts of the spotlight beam hazily illuminated her.  Not a bad figure. Her flight suite hugged tightly to her and her long red hair, though spattered with pumpkin, reminded Rhys of fire.  Knee-high boots with several buckles covered her lower legs.  “Nice,” Rhys chuckled as two splashes sounded.


Melissa quickly blessed her broom as she let go.  She tossed her goggles and tucked into the best swan dive form she knew.  The broom hit first.  A small splash reached her ears as Melissa dove headfirst into the pond.  Spitting and sputtering, she broke the surface.  She pushed her hair off her face and blinked.  

“Want some help?”  A male voice sounded near her.  Melissa turned around struggling to keep afloat.  Wet leather didn’t stay buoyant long.  She swam toward the boat that came into focus.  

“How kind of you.”  Melissa reached for the outstretched hand in front of her.  As her hand touched his, images and heat seared their way up her arm.  Two nude men kneeling before her as she lay near a roaring fire in a fireplace flashed and faded deep within her psychic third eye.  

Minutes passed as Rhys struggled to get the witch into the boat.  “One more pull and we’re good.”  He pulled hard and caught his fishy smelling witch.  As he rowed for shore, he wondered if she had felt the heat and desire as much as he had.  

Jon met them at the edge of the pond.  He grinned as he helped the witch alight.  “A fine catch you got there friend.”  Rhys laughed.  Jon needed to watch his ironical sense of humor.  No telling what the witch might turn him into if he pissed her off enough.  

“Melissa meet Jon.  Jon, Melissa.” Rhys pulled the boat out of the water as two loud splashes sounded followed by several thuds.  

“Shit, they are chunking anything they can find tonight.  The Peak has gone bonkers.”  Jon shook his head and grabbed Melissa’s hand. “Come on with us and let’s get somewhere safe.”

Melissa didn’t hesitate.  If safe included the thoughts she was picking up off these two, the night was young and ripe for sexual play of a mĂ©nage kind.



Posted by Solara Gordon
 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~





Pumpkin Combat Zone ~ Kimylla and Night Runner

"It's a pumpkin combat zone," Kimylla muttered to herself, as she watched four launched pumpkins crisscross above her.

The giant beauties exploded on several buildings nearby, their chunky remains splatting on the streets of Talbot's Peak. Delighted screeches from kids and carefree adults knifed through her ears. Kimylla flinched, mentally lessening her extra sensitive hearing.

Obviously, they took their punkin' chunkin' really serious here. On her way into and through town, Kimylla had observed several catapults, the designs ranging from crude to complex.

Minutes later, she dashed for the recessed entrance of a shop. Globs of pumpkin guts rained down mere inches away from her knee-high suede boots.

Resuming her steps, Kimylla avoided the haphazard pieces and piles. She'd been warned about the 'wild, wild west' shapeshifter enclave, but business was business And she had lives to save.

She'd tracked him here. Night Runner.

The black super wolf likely visited another one of his off-world kind. White Fang Kent masqueraded as an investigative reporter for the G&B Gazette. So she'd discovered after an exhaustive search of the para-net.

In a desperate effort to find Night Runner fast, Kimylla had spoken with her numerous shadow-world contacts. Afterward she'd felt like a vampire sucking on the bloodless, the intel had been so spare.

Pay dirt, finally. Eureka!

She smelled Night Runner, even though the fragrance of ripe pumpkin saturated the cool crisp air. Having a particular fondness for pumpkin pie, pumpkin bread...any pumpkin goodness...Kimylla found it to be somewhat of a distraction. Especially, since hunger gnawed at her.

She'd neglected to eat much of anything for the past couple of days. Time ticked away like a time bomb. The eight human children, recently kidnapped at Yellowstone Park, were about to become an All Hallow Eve's feast.

Given the beast monsters she faced, Kimylla needed super-powered backup to  rescue them. "Give me ten more seconds," she prayed in a whisper.

Dodging hunks of pumpkin, and their slimy innards, Kimylla raced across the street. Seconds later, she burst through the vintage-twenties door into O’Malley’s Gin Joint.

**** 


"I've got company coming." Night Runner quaffed the barley malt ale that went down real smooth and easy.

"Expected or unexpected?" White Fang raised his brow above his Clark Kent glasses, then tipped up his tankard.

"Unexpected but more than welcome." Night Runner didn't hide his lust-inspired grin.

White Fang's blue eyes, so similar to his own, pierced him with man-to-man knowing. "By her scent and frequency I would say your welcome guest is a granddaughter of Aoife, shadow warrior goddess of the Celts."

"Part of her heritage, you're right on target, old man." Night Runner carelessly saluted the elder wolf-man with his tankard. "Kimylla is a red-haired Sunfire goddess."

"No wonder your inner tail is wagging like a cub about to taste raw meat for the first time." White Fang's drily spoken words hit their mark.

Night Runner downed a large swallow of his ale as he mentally commanded his tail and his iron-hard cock to cease and desist...for now. "Time to strike while the iron his hot," he mocked himself.

With a telltale raise of his brows, White Fang stood. "Pasha, my cat goddess awaits." His farewell grin was mostly an amused smirk.

"Right, old man, I'll pay the tab," Night Runner called after him.

**** 


Arms with a god's strength wrapped around Kimylla the instant she burst inside. Instinctively she resisted, but halted, realizing it was Night Runner. With not an ounce of give in his arms, he embraced her tight against his tall, fiercely hard frame.

Oh holy sun, when had any man felt this sinfully divine?

"May I assume you're glad to see me?" Her breathy words poured from between her lips, despite her somewhat compressed chest.

"May I assume you need my help?" he growled with way too much intimacy.

Kimylla ignored the way his hot breath caressed her ear, the way it made her entire body all juicy-sexy.

"Is there somewhere private where we can talk?"

Oh holy crap, why had she said 'private'? And, why hadn't she known Night Runner found her desirable?

Although, the super wolf could shield his thoughts and feelings, even from her. Seeking his help, had she walked into his seduction trap? Well, actually, run into his trapping arms.

"Trust me, beautiful Kimylla?" he velvety rumbled.

"Should I?" At least, her defiant nature finally asserted itself.

Night Runner laughed, low rolling thunder that vibrated every inch of her. Kimylla clenched her eyelids tight while the rest of her became his molten captive.

"Trustworthy is my middle name, as they say here, my sunfire goddess."

Kimylla sensed his intention as Night Runner's words stroked her ear. He gently removed his arm from her, then opened the door. In seconds, they moved into hyperspeed.

****

Finally, the woman who fired his blood to raging lust was at his mercy whether she knew it or not.

"Where are we?" she asked, her voice soft as the wildflower blossoms he loped through as wolf. "I don't recognize this place." 

"You're in the Scots Best of Breed Tavern, lassie," a man with a Scottish brogue answered. "What cin I get for ya?" 

"Bring us dinner with all the trimmings, would you, Duff ole friend? I know my stomach's almost stuck to my backbone." Night Runner eased his hold on Kimylla, circling his palms over her delicately rounded belly. "I'm betting you're hungry, right, sweet darling?"

"I'm starving," his warrior goddess announced. "And the food smells heavenly. Oh, if you have anything pumpkin, please..." she paused, casting her gaze toward Duff, who stood before his great stone hearth in his clan kilt. "Zeiran 'Duff' McDuff of Vretland?"

"The one and only, lassie. Sorry to say, I haven't made your acquaintance." Duff straightened to his full overwhelming height, his stance like a stud dog showing off.

"I know you by reputation. The Scottie dog shapeshifter who can hurl like a giant at the Highland games."

Night Runner wondered if Kimylla realized she stroked his hand. He also wondered if she knew how much his ramrod straight cock enjoyed the blatant curves of her ass. If she didn't, he would absolutely demonstrate later, once he slowly peeled off her skintight suede breeches.

"Ah, lovely lady, I'm retired now." Duff's grand smile took over his features. "I've got me fine tavern and me lovely place at Dante's. An' I'm settlin' into Talbot's Peak."  

"How about the table closest to the hearth?" Night Runner smoothed his palm down Kimylla's shapely arm as he moved beside her.

Duff gestured toward the table in his dramatic style. "The fire is crackling like a happy soul, and I'll be off gettin' your supper." He smiled at Kimylla, his eyes twinkling. "Lassie, I've brewed a special pumpkin spice ale, just for this seasonly occasion."

"Perfect. May I address you as Duff?"

"Surely, lassie. You two make yourselves at home. I'll be right out with pumpkin scones. Made by fairy hands," Duff added, and gave them both a wink.

****


Kimylla allowed herself to be escorted toward the small, dark-wood table that beckoned her anyway. She was tired, even for a goddess. Her stomach was on the verge of rebellion, demanding a good dinner. And, the only way she would gain Night Runner's help would be to hear him out.

He seated her like a gentlemanly rogue. Without taking his glittering, blue-eyed gaze off her, he lowered himself, so they sat close. Their knees touched, and he gazed into her eyes with a passion that sent licks of flame through her, deliciously sizzling her nether parts.

"It's like this, my sunfire goddess, I'll go to the ends of the Earth." He paused, his gaze devouring her face. "Hell, love, I'll go to the ends of the galaxy."

"To the ends of the universe," she teased, interrupting him.

"Yes." He captured her hand, then enfolded it within his tenderly.

"What do you want?" she taunted in a murmur, as quivers of excitement ran through her mid-section.

"I want you, Kimylla. I want you in my bed. I want wild primitive coupling. I want hours, days of lovemaking."

Kimylla let the shock subside, just a bit, before she asked, "Is that all?"

"For now." A slow wicked smile spread across his ruggedly handsome face.

"On one condition," Kimylla seductively teased.

His gaze darkened like storm clouds gathering, and his grip on her hand
possessively tightened. Kimylla shuddered inside, wanton in a way she'd never imagined, never come close to feeling.

"Your condition?" he finally growled.

With her heart thumping fast, like a rabbit's heart, Kimylla leaned forward. Their gazes locked and melted into each other for several moments. "You wear a bonnie kilt for me. Fine as Duff is wearing."


~~~~~~~~

Have a magickal and wicked Halloween!

Savanna

Savanna Kougar ~ Run on the Wild Side of Romance ~ 

~~~~~~ 


Monday, September 17, 2012

Quality Family Time

(with apologies to Norman Rockwell)

“Will you look at us,” Vernon MacMahon said. He beamed around the table. “All the kids together. We look like a family already.”

Nobody beamed back, other than Elly. Nick didn’t bother to hide his scowl. They were probably holding hands under the table, like a couple of sappy puppies. His brother Mooney, who should have had his back, had a stiff, brainless grin on his lips because such a look was expected. That was a beta for you, content to sit back and let the higher ranks do all the thinking. He even let his girlfriend push him around, and she was a monkey, for Lycaon’s sake. No help from Mooney’s corner, that’s for biting sure.

Or from the other camp. Bo and Hannibal Ewing gave him the bighorn stink eye from across the table. Neither had said a word since they all sat down. Mary had already made her feelings for Nick clear at work, courtesy of that granite-hard head of hers. If a ewe could knock him flat on his ass, imagine what those two gargantuan rams could do. Better still, imagine those two oversized herbies bleeding all over the floor with their throats ripped out. The image cheered him somewhat.

“Is that why we’re here?” he said. “To show off to Talbot’s Peak how well we all get along?”

“Of course not,” Vern said. “We’re here because neither Miss Elly nor I are about to cook for you moochers, and because this place’s owner is a rat with a meat cleaver, and that squirrel behind the bar has a gun and has been known to use it. So nobody’s going to cause any trouble. Right?”

He said this to Nick and Mooney. Miss Elly directed a similar silent warning to her mountainous male offspring. Unhearing Mary sipped blandly at her water, her eyes darting from one set of lips to the next. She caught Nick’s eye and grinned evilly at him. Nick bared his teeth back at her.

Packs had blended before, when an alpha had to take a new mate. But a pack and a herd? This herd? No freakin’ way.

“Just tell me this has nothing to do with the election,” he said. Which would make it even worse if it didn’t, but he had to know.

Both Vernon and Miss Elly looked hurt. “You’re not buying into that scat Lance has been spreading around, have you? About voters wanting their candidates mated? I thought you knew better than that. Elly and I have known each other for years. We’re getting up there in age—”

“Speak for yourself, you old gray wolf,” Elly said with a grin.

“And the clock’s running out. Why spend my twilight years alone, when this tasty morsel’s just been waiting for me to sweep her off her feet?”

“Our mom’s not a ‘tasty morsel’,” Bo said in a growl that would do a wolf proud. “That’s how predators talk.”

“Knock it off, boy. At my age, I’m lucky I’ve still got my real teeth. Any woman who’d have me is a treasure beyond price.” He nuzzled Miss Elly’s neck. “Lucky me, I found her.”

“Lucky us,” Miss Elly corrected, and nuzzled him back. It was sickening. “As long as you don’t expect another crop of heirs. That ship has sailed.”

“Never fear, my sweet. Been there, done that, stepped in the housebreaking accidents.” He wickedly waggled his eyebrows. “Doesn’t mean we can’t take a stab at it anyway. Several stabs, I hope.”

Nick’s stomach flipped over. “Do you have to talk about that at the table? Where people are eating?”

“Get used to it, sonny. There’s fire in the old wolf yet, and spring in the lady’s step. Or did you think that all shuts off after we turn forty?”

Both Hannibal and Bo stiffened on their chairs. “You watch your mouth, carnie,” Bo said. “That’s our mother you’re licking your chops over.”

“And your mama hasn’t been drooled over in ages,” Elly snapped at her offspring. “If you’ve got a problem with it, keep it in your cud sack. Vernon and I are getting married, and we’re going to do everything married folks do. Deal with it.”

Mary signed frantically. Elly caught her hands and pinned them to the table. “That goes for you too, missy. We’re happy, and we’re going to stay happy. If you kids can’t handle it, tough turds.”

The squirrel ambled over. Nick checked his shirt for gun-shaped bulges. “Everything okay here, folks? Get you anything?”

Vern and Elly ordered cocktails. Everyone else ordered sodas. Keep a clear head, first rule on the hunt. The glares flashing around the table over the heads of the starry-eyed lovers could probably flash-fry their entrees, if Nick was any judge of hostility. Oh, wait, these were herbies. They ate their awful veggies raw.

Being the oldest, Nick figured he’d have to take out Hannibal. He doubted if Mooney could handle Bo. They’d have to double-team him. Same for Mary. The little ewe was a vicious fighter. It’s for Dad’s own good. He’ll thank us when it’s over.

To everyone’s surprise, Louie himself brought their drinks over. “I can hear you folks from the kitchen,” he said. Nick bristled automatically, even though he understood Jersey accents made even “good morning” sound belligerent. “I don’t want no trouble in my place.”

“And you won’t get any,” Vern said firmly. Elly shot a glare at her kids. Their stony faces promised nothing. Nick refused to alter his own scowl. Mooney went on smiling idiotically. Didn’t the damn spineless beta have any other expressions?

Louie rattled off the night’s specials. “Now,” he said at the end, “what can I getcha?”

Vern nodded across the room. “Excuse me, but is that Judge Alsop over there?”

“Yeah. He likes the Wellington. It’s one of our specialties. You wanna give it a go?”

Vern leaned in and whispered something to Elly. She gasped, then giggled. Nick had never pegged her as a giggler. They had to get these two apart. Their ill-considered love was upsetting every natural order in the universe.

“Excuse us a minute, would you?” Vernon got up, holding out his hand to Miss Elly. They left the table with Louie in the lead. Nick recognized his dad’s hunting stalk. The shifty old wolf was up to something. Nick started to rise.

Hannibal’s hand clamped onto his wrist and forced him back down. “Oh no you don’t. Nobody’s going anywhere until we hash this out.”

Nick reseated himself, glaring. “They can’t get married. No offense to your mom—”

“And none to your dad, but you’re right. That’s the only thing we can agree on.”

“Why not?” Mooney said. “So Dad’s a carnie and your mom’s a herbie. So what? If they—”

Four sets of hostile eyes glared him into silence. Mooney gulped his soda.
“So,” Bo said, “what do we do about it?”

Nothing at the moment, because the squirrel returned with a server bearing a broad tray. The server placed Caesar salads before the bighorns and plates of meat appetizers in front of Nick and Mooney. “Compliments of the house,” the squirrel said. “Your mom and your dad express their apologies. They’re gonna be delayed for a bit. They said for you guys to go ahead with dinner.”

“What do you mean, delayed?” Nick demanded. “What’s going on?”

The squirrel just shrugged and reached around behind his back. Some shooters kept their guns in their waistbands. Nick quickly subsided. The squirrel grinned. “Enjoy your meal.”

Good luck with that. Since neither species was averse to free food, all five dug into their salads. All chewed loudly and carefully, as if they were imagining chewing on something else. An enemy's body parts, for instance. Except for Mooney, who inhaled his appetizers with gusto. Damn betas. Next to useless.

Time stretched uncomfortably. Nick glanced at his watch and was startled to discover close to an hour had slipped past them. Where the hell was Dad? What was he doing?

Mary squirmed. Nick figured she was getting restless too, until she pulled out a cell phone. Obviously she couldn’t hear it, so she must have had it set on vibrate. She checked her text messages. Her face went white. She hauled frantically on Bo’s arm, then showed him the screen.

Bo’s mouth got thin and hard. “They didn’t.”

Hannibal broke off glaring at Nick to glance over. “Didn’t what?”

In response, a white-lipped Bo activated Mary’s never-used voice mail. “Greetings, pups. By the time you hear this, it’ll be too late for retaliation. Y’see, tonight proved to Elly and me that you pigheaded twits will never see reason. So hump you. Judge Alsop was kind enough to marry us in the kitchen, with Louie and Gil as our witnesses. We’re on our way to Vegas for our honeymoon even as we speak. So play nice, boys and girl, you’re family now. Oh, and somebody tell Lance, will you? And email me a picture of his face.” The message ended on a hoot of laughter.

Stricken faces ringed the table. Mary’s came on a time delay, following Bo’s sign-language recap. “They eloped?” Mooney said. Nick glared at his brother. Mr. Obvious.

“Well, good for them.” Mooney picked up his glass of soda, made a face at it, and got up and headed for the bar.

“Good?” Nick echoed. “What the hell’s good about it?”

“That’s not all,” Hannibal said. “They stiffed us for the check.”

Just like a wolf. Just like Dad. Nick put his head in his hands. “Who could use a drink?” he said. “On me.”



Monday, June 25, 2012

The Big Announcement




Vernon MacMahon, owner of Talbot’s Peak’s own Grease ‘n’ Grill, takes great pleasure in announcing that Eleanor Ewing has agreed to join him in a state of holy matrimony. The wedding will take place this August at—

“ZIVA!”


Ziva winced. Nick’s tone didn’t bother her, but the volume was uncalled for, especially right up against her sensitive ears. “Problem, boss?”

Nick shook the latest edition of the Gutts ‘n’ Butts Gazette in front of her face. The paper was folded over so the offensive story couldn’t possibly escape her. “What the hell’s this?”

“Your dad came in while you were at lunch and asked me to run the announcement. What was I supposed to do, tell him sorry, can’t do it because his son the editor is a racist jerk?”

“You could have buried it in the back with the used car ads. Not blast it all over the front page!”

Ziva shrugged. “Slow news day?”

“It’s a conspiracy. Everybody’s out to get me.” Nick dragged his hand through his hair. “You know what’s going to happen? Check your computer. Look at the comments. The hate mail has started already.”

“I’ve been screening the emails. We’ve had a couple nasty ones, but I deleted those. The rest have been overwhelmingly positive.”

“The rest are from herbivores. Of course they’d be positive. As far as I’m concerned, good wishes from a herbie counts as hate mail.”

Ziva mentally shook her head. Getting past Nick’s prejudice and his twisted logic was going to take a lot of heavy lifting. “Don’t you want your dad to be happy?”

“He was happy. He had the grill and all the ladies he could hump. Wolf ladies. Some cat-tail once in a while. He doesn’t need to marry somebody who won’t even keep meat in the house. She’ll probably have him eating that tofu crap.” Nick shuddered.

“That’s probably better for him, at his age. He’s not as active as he used to be. When’s the last time he even shifted?”

“He’s shifted, all right. Right over to the herbie camp.”

Nick rolled up the paper and whapped his palm with it. Ziva watched every vicious thwack with fascination. Maybe she could divert all that pent-up anger into something more constructive. Get him to whack that rolled-up paper against her tush, for instance. It would get his mind off his dad and Miss Elly and make everybody happy in the process.

She stood up and reached for him playfully. “Settle down, Nicky. It’s no big deal.”

“No big deal? When my own father is about to marry some stinking—”

He broke off, his stare aimed over her shoulder. Ziva turned around. Mary, Miss Elly’s daughter and the company typist, stood like a statue, her eyes trained on Nick’s lips. Jamie Olsen, the staff photographer, hovered behind her, looking mighty uncomfortable.

“We, um, heard the ruckus,” Jamie said. “I mean, I did. Mary followed me.” He tugged at his shirt collar. “Well. Guess you two are gonna be brother and sister now, huh?”

“Sister?” Nick stared at Mary, looking sicker by the minute. “No. Not a chance. That’s where I draw the line.”

Mary signed something at Jamie. He signed back. When she looked at Nick again, her face had grown dark as a pre-tornado sky. She signed savagely.

“Mary says she ain’t happy about it either, but it’s her mama’s life and she’s good with it,” Jamie translated. “She don’t want you saying anything bad about her mama. Or herbivores in general, come to that.”

“No? Well, get used to it, sweetie. I don’t chew cud and I don’t need a sister at this late date, and I’ll say whatever I want about whoever I want, and that includes your mommy, who is not going to be my mommy in any sense of the word. You don’t like it, too flea-scratching bad.”

Mary glared at him, then signed something. “She said you’re a—” Jamie got red in the face. “She says you’re mean.”

“Look at this face. Tell me if it looks like it cares.”

Mary’s single-finger response needed no translation.

Now Nick got red. “You watch your language, little girl. You join our family, you join the pack. That makes me your alpha as well as your brother. So when I say jump—”

Mary lowered her head and charged.

That was one of the problems with a bighorn sheep. Their heads were granite-hard in both their forms. Nick reflected on this while he sprawled on his back on the floor groaning and holding his stomach. Ziva cradled his head in her lap while Mary glowered down at him. Jamie held onto her to prevent any follow-ups.

“Attacking your boss,” Nick croaked. “I can fire you for that.”

“I don’t think you can,” Jamie said. “A good lawyer’d pass it off as a rank challenge between siblings. You know, pack entrance exam? I don’t think you want to take her on in a real fight. She’d whup your ass. And you ain’t even faced down Bo and Hannibal yet. You keep pushing, you’ll end up the family omega before your pappy and Miss Elly even get to the vows part.”

Scat in the bath water. What the hell did a damn red wolf know about gray wolf pack matters? Not as much as Mary did, blast the sour luck.

Still glaring at Nick, Mary signed to Jamie. “She wants an apology,” he said.

Nick struggled upright. He bared his teeth. “Here’s what you’re getting,” he said. “You’re now in charge of the TP Lupa column. You read all those whiny emails and solve their stupid problems. You deal with selfish old bastards who’ve lost their minds and shake up a stable family by marrying a grass-eater. At least a human would eat meat once in a while.”

“And a grown alpha wouldn’t act like a spoiled puppy and throw a temper tantrum in the work place,” Ziva said calmly. “Now, sweetheart, you’re going to alpha up and apologize to Mary, and you’re going to keep your nose out of your father’s business, and I don’t care how PO’d you get, you’re going to keep your mouth shut before Bo and Hannibal find out about this, because I like having a boyfriend who isn’t a stain in the parking lot. Got it?”

Nick growled like a Chevy's engine, but he couldn’t resist Ziva when she used her dominatrix voice. “Sorry,” he grumbled to Mary. “But you’re not off the hook. You’re doing that column, and you’ll do it with a smile or I’ll can your bighorn ass. You don’t like it, the door’s over there. Understand?”

Mary shrugged, and signed. “If she’s gonna be a columnist, she wants a raise,” Jamie said.

Nick’s jaw dropped. “Let’s give it a month and then we’ll review,” Ziva said quickly. She got Nick back on his feet and helped him into his office, while Jamie hustled Mary out of harm’s way. Who’d be the harmer and who’d be the harmee was still an open question.

“It’s not right,” Nick whined after Ziva shut the door. He sagged against his big antique desk. “It won’t work. Carnie-herbie marriages never work out. He’s only doing this to get a leg up on that stupid mayoral election. He’s going to get himself hurt, and he’s too old to get hurt. How do I make him see reason?”

Like father, like son, Ziva thought. “It’s not about reason. It’s about love. Your father’s been fond of Miss Elly for a long time. You know that. It sounds like they’ve both been lonely. Look at it this way: you’ll finally be able to start the day with a decent breakfast.”

“She serves Fakin’ Bacon. What kind of self-respecting woman serves a wolf Fakin’ Bacon?”

“The kind who may one day have a boar for a son-in-law. Miss Elly will be good for your dad. You’re not even angry with either of them, are you? You’re just upset because the world is changing.”

“It isn’t right.”

“It is what it is. The sun will continue to rise and set, even in a world with Fakin’ Bacon. Are you going to be all right?”

Nick mumbled something. Ziva found a copy of the paper and rolled it up. She slapped it against her palm, as Nick had moments ago. “Or does bad doggie need a bit of retraining?”

“I’m not a bad doggie.” He sure kept his eyes on that paper. He started to pant. “Herbies in a wolf pack. What’s the world coming to?”

“Let me show you,” Ziva purred. She shoved him onto the desk.