Monday, June 29, 2015
The Bank Dick
"Okay, Toni." Sue had lost all patience. "Spill. If you're going to drag me all the way down to the exit, you'd better have a damn good reason."
"Don't I always?" Toni said breezily. "I need to go to the bank."
Sue gave her sister's outfit the once-over. Bright red lipstick, a black-and-gold sheath of a dress that fit Saran-wrap tight, hair styled and sprayed into place. Don't forget the shoes Sue coveted, that clacked like hooves and emphasized her tiny feet. Deer never dressed to attract predatory attention unless they were actively seeking it. "Maxed out the card again, huh? Need a loan?"
Toni just grinned. "I'm hoping to make a withdrawal."
She steered the car past what Sue had assumed would be their destination, the Talbot's Peak Credit Union, and pulled into another institution up the strip, the First National Bank of Montana. Sue would have jumped out of the car if she hadn't been seatbelted in. "Here? At a monkey bank? You don't even have an account here."
Sue eyed her cousin trepidaciously. "We're not robbing the place, are we?"
"Not for money," Toni said, with a mysterious grin. "I wanted to get your opinion before I made a move."
Human-run banks, Sue thought. Artemis help them. She followed her sister inside, but at a safe distance, legs tensed to bolt if she had to.
Once in the spacious lobby, however, she forgot all about bolting. In fact, she forgot about almost everything, except—
He was big. He wore a faint scowl. His security guard's uniform strained over a 6'6" body beefy with rock-solid muscles. The uniform's trousers showed a similar bulge at the front. His hair, the black of slick Texas oil, was pulled back in a ponytail. He didn't wear a gun. Who would challenge him?
Sue's deer-in-headlights freeze thawed appreciably. She might, just to see how high she could get those trousers to tent.
Toni giggled. "I see I don't need to point him out."
"Holy Joe. How did you find this hunk?"
"Shoe shopping. I needed to use an ATM. I looked through the door and—" Toni reached over and gently eased her sister's gaping lower jaw back into place. "Yeah. Pretty much that."
"You think it's real?"
"No, that's where he keeps his billy club. Of course it's real. It's gotta be real." Toni licked her lips.
"He's not human, is he? I mean, this is a human-owned bank."
"I don't think so. Not with a body like that. He has to be a bull of some kind. Buffalo, maybe. He's got that look." Her gaze dropped to his crotch. "And everything else."
"You were right about one thing," Sue murmured. "I'd open an account here to get close to that. You can definitely watch your interest grow."
"Think we can get him to make a deposit in our vaults?"
"Checking or savings?"
The girls giggled. Sue's cut off when she realized—"Omigawd, he's coming over here!"
The two deer clutched each other's hands and helplessly watched the brawny guard saunter over. His voice was as deep as the Grand Canyon. "Ladies. Can I help you?"
"Uh," Sue said. "We were just … " Her gaze dropped automatically to his belt, and below.
The guard sighed. "Yeah. I get a lot of that."
"I'll just bet you do," Toni purred.
Up close, he was definitely herbivorous. Not a whiff of meat-taint on him. Reassured, Sue groped after control of her voice. "We're not here on bank business," she blurted. "It's more of a bet. My sister says you're a buffalo. I say elk." And if he was a vegetarian human, she'd just given them away. Sue didn't need Toni's elbow in her ribs to tell her that.
Fortunately the guard just grinned. "It's buffalo. Whoever has to buy lunch now, I recommend Ollie's. It's about a half mile back up the strip. You can't beat the salad bar."
Toni sidled closer to him. "Any chance of a police escort?"
"I'm not a cop, miss, just a security guard. And unless you have actual business here, I'll have to ask you to leave."
"Oooh," Toni simpered. "So forceful."
"I thought deer were supposed to be timid."
"Never been through the rut, have you?" Sue grabbed her sister by the arm and dragged her toward the door. "Sorry about this. We'll be going."
Sue half-turned. "Yes?"
The buffalo smirked at them both. "It's not a club. And I get off work at three-thirty."
"Oh? Ah." He was standing with his legs apart, like he knew what that would do to a woman. Of course he knew. He was a buffalo bull.
Sue lifted her chin. "We'll see." She marched out the door with Toni in tow.
"Oh my." Toni practically melted all over the car seat. "Sign me up for the free toaster."
"Knock it off. We've got work to do."
Toni stared dreamily at the bank. "Such as?"
"Lunch, first. We'll need our strength. Then we've got three hours to find me a sexier dress." Sue made a face at her modest pumps. "And a better pair of shoes."