Friday, July 30, 2010

Too Much Of A Good Thing...


Here we are at Friday again.  Yay! 

Any big plans out there for the weekend?

So as I was writing Branwen's thoughts, it dawned on how much I enjoy writing descriptive scenes.  Using a variety of words to make clear the pictures in my mind and letting those words roll over my tongue.

Unfortunately, my enjoyment sometimes overrides the need to use dialogue as well and I have to remind myself regularly to give my characters a voice.

Anyone else run into this problem or maybe the other way around?  Too much dialogue, not enough description.

~~~
Gypsy Wolf cont...

Wisps of wind swept past the rising flap of Branwen’s tent and swirled around the tight enclosure. Its chill bit at her ankles and drew a flicker from her candle flames. A woodsy, male scent mingled with lavender taunting her newly altered sense of smell. Death was about to greet her, though she was unsure if her visitor was the bringer or the receiver.


Whoever he was, he sure smelled good.

“Come in, come in… Let the tigan lupul see you, let her tell you about your future.”

Dark brown hair, shot with sun bleached blond highlights, was the first thing Branwen saw of her guest. His was not the usual over coifed mess of locks her clients normally came in with, nope; his flew free, full like a lion’s mane with the stunningly white tips that lay darn near the bottom of his chin.

In order to step fully into the tent he had to fold his body inward, giving any potential enemies the opening they might need to momentarily overpower him. His clenched fist and softly spoken vulgarity betrayed his frustration.

As he rose, his full height and the breadth of his shoulders pulled the air from her lungs. The bringer of death had boldly strode into her home causing her knees to weaken and her core to clench. He was a killer, for sure, only she wasn’t sure if it was her mortality, or her sexuality, that was in jeopardy.

10 comments:

Savanna Kougar said...

Interesting... truth is, as I give it the ole ponder, I can get carried away with both description and dialogue... if the dialogue is flowing like it did in Murder by Hair Spray, then the narrative gets lost. I added a lot during edits.

But then, if I'm on a roll with narrative and description, the dialogue may be too minimal...

Serena, love your description, especially the hair since I'm hair-lover. The punch of impact at the end was wonderful. I would add the spoken vulgarity. I'm saying that as a reader because I wanted to hear the hero's words.

Pat C. said...

I'm just the opposite: I get carried away by the dialogue and forget to add description. Whole scenes go by and we don't even know where the characters are. I probably should try writing screenplays or something. Let the director worry about where everybody is standing.

Plans for the weekend: finish typing up the second draft of that damn vampire story. It's been over 6 months now. Yeesh.

Whoa. Death is one hot dude.

Serena Shay said...

Hey Savanna, between the dialogue and the editing, Murder turned out brilliantly! :)

Thanks, hehe, yep Branwen is proving to have some interesting thoughts in store for me. I'll have to try re-writing it with the vulgarity... ;)

Serena Shay said...

LOL...I've done that too, Pat. Then I go back and read it only to find that I head hopped all the way down the page!

Ooh, screenplays would be fun, maybe your vamp story? Or, mmm, a coyote story!

Thanks, death has been prowling around my head for a while and yep, he is hawt!! ;)

Good Luck with the second draft!

Rebecca Murray said...

I get carried away with back story monologues. I usually end up just writing it then going back and breaking it down as dialog between several characters. One character in "The Hawk's Bride" started out with barely a mention until I needed him to break up a chapter long monolog!

I'm really enjoying your Gypsy Wolf! I'm a bit confused, though. I thought Branwen was the wolf but she called herself a tigan lupul?

Serena Shay said...

:) I've done the long monologues as well, Rebecca, though never a chapter long. hehe

Yay, I'm glad you're enjoying the story. Yep Branwen is the wolf, though she doesn't know it for sure yet. Tigan lupul is Romanian for Gypsy wolf. :)

Savanna Kougar said...

PAT ~ "Death is a hot dude" ~ luv that! Going with that kind of vampire, eh?

I don't know anything about screenplays... but, don't you have to put in camera shot, etc.?

Savanna Kougar said...

SERENA, oh thank you! I was afraid you didn't like it.

Pat C. said...

Serena - thanks for clearing up the "tigan lupul" term. Of course I immediately thought tiger. Hmmm ... a tiger/wolf hybrid ... bet he'd be a cutie. Especially if his human form had faint tiger stripes that everyone mistook for tattoos. I think I just gave Savanna her flash idea for Tuesday.

Sav - from the little I know of screenwriting, they prefer you not put in a ton of camera shots. That's the director's job.

Rebecca Murray said...

My first drafts are about 70% monologue, all third person. If I take the time to write the first draft well, I loose interest in the story. This could be why it takes me no time at all to whip out a first draft and for-frigging-ever to have a submittable final manuscript, though...