By Pat Cunningham
You hear barking, growling and howls, but never see a dog.
They hold three to four cookouts a week, even in the dead of winter.
The father always smells like meat, though he says he’s an accountant.
The mother talks about taking her children to the vet.
The children chase cars.
The family only ever drives Mustangs, Cougars or Jags.
There always seem to be rabbit, squirrel or bird bones and feathers in the yard.
Pets disappear from the neighborhood.
The mother follows her children around with a pooper scooper.
They refer to their extended family or circle of friends as a “pack.”
Your dog has puppies that talk.
PS: I just came across a bit of trivia: apparently bats have the highest incidence of homosexuality among all mammals. Looks like my M/M vampire story was right on the money.