The Girl Next Door And The Garden of Jamie and Lamar..

Happy Halloween! Did everyone make it through the Frankenstorm safe and sound? Ready to find out a little more about our un-named girl-next-door from last night?

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“Wow,” she breathed to herself as she looked around the Star Dust Club in amazement. She made no attempt to look jaded or sophisticated as she saw people she’d only seen on the covers of magazines or in movies. Others looked like they belonged in movies or on the covers of Fortune or Cosmo but she didn’t recognize them. Here she was, a secretary at a car dealership dressed in her own non-sultry lingerie with her nice-but-not-fantastic figure and mile high purple fuck-me shoes and there they were, dressed in costumes that probably cost more than she made in a month that covered much less skin. And every inch of that skin looked perfect, even on the fifty-something daytime TV actress who’d just walked by.


Any other time, she might have been intimidated by the shear opulence of the club or its clientele but not tonight. She’d had to fork over $500 for this ticket and she was going to enjoy herself! Besides, she really was covered by more cloth than most of the people here—mainly because most of them were wearing body paint or painted-on latex “costumes.” She wasn’t some car sales manager’s secretary tonight. She was a girl-next-door checking out all the things her mamma warned her about. Literally. Oh. My. God. Was that Mario Lopez over there wearing skin-tight leather assless chaps???

Yeah, this was not a night where it mattered who saw her so long as she got to see lots more butts like that! And whoever that hot guy painted like the Garden of Eden complete with the snake was ought to be in Playgirl with a slong like that! Just as she finished that thought, she hear the owner of that trouser snake, a hunky redhead with a sexy syrup voice, chastise the lady—or rather guy—next to him about the costume selection. It seemed the “Eve” clinging to one of his tree branch arms was named Lamar and he was usually the one who dressed up like a snake. Or something like that; it was hard to catch the exact meaning behind some of the conversations she was shamelessly listening in on with her eyes bugged out like they were.

“Glass of bubbly?”

She dragged her eyes away from “Eve”—she’d been trying to figure out where the lovely Lamar was hiding his own trouser snake in that skimpy outfit—to find a waiter wearing a bow tie, black undies, formal white gloves and nothing else. He had a try of sparking orange and black beverages in one hand and was offering he a glass.

“Is there a difference in taste between them?” she asked the waiter. He cocked his head in confusion.

“Between the orange and black bubbly?” she clarified.

“Oh!” he said with a smile. “Yes, the orange in just colored campaign and the black is carbonated blood-whiskey.”

“I’ll have an orange bubbly then,” she said with a grin. He grinned back with a saucy wink as he handed her a drink.

“I have to ask,” he said peaking down at her cotton undie-clad body. “What are you dressed as?”

“Why I’m the girl next door with a big naughty secret,” she said, batting her purple-tinted eyes as she showed him the giant envelope in her other hand. It had started off the night as one of those cheesy giant Halmark cards but a little judicious use of Sharpies had made it the pièce de résistance of her “costume.”

“I love it!” She looked over to see that Eden and Eve had joined her. The waiter walked off and the two hunks in front of her grinned.

“We noticed you eyeing us earlier,” Eve said. “And then we noticed your costume and just had to come over and introduce ourselves to someone who managed to be unique as to wear actual cotton undies to a party like this.”

“The best way to be unique,” she replied, making it up as she went along, “is to do what no one else is doing. I felt it would be a safe bet that no one else was going to wear pretty but plain cotton lingerie to a Star Dust Halloween event, so…” She finished off with a saucy grin of her own.

“Well, I like it,” Eden said in his salty sweet Southern drawl. “Sometimes it’s sexier to only hint at the treats below,” he said, shooting a hard glare at the unrepentant Lamar. “My name’s Jamie, by the way and this is Lamar.”

“Hi! I’m… not telling you my name,”: she finished off in a hurry.

“Oh?” Lamar asked. “You didn’t strike me as a wilting flower. No one’s going to judge you for being here, only on the quality of your costume. And sugar, your costume rocks.”

“No, no. I’m not worried about being judged. It’s just that I found out my ex is bringing his new 18-year-old girlfriend here tonight. Rather than miss out, I’m aiming to just avoid them. They can’t track me down if they don’t know I’m here.” That last bit wasn’t made-up at all. She did just find out that Jack, that sleaze ball was bringing his boss’s teenage daughter just yesterday, well after she’d bought her ticket. “Since I have no intention of follow him and his date around, I figured I’d just avoid them and then drop names of who was here tonight the next time I see him. That would be better revenge than seeking him out and giving him the cold shoulder, anyway.”

“Oh! Oh, I knew I loved you!” Lamar said, giving her a huge hug. Wow, he was clingy, she thought.

“I have a better idea,” Jamie said with a sneaky grin.

“Oh?”

“Make sure he sees you but rather than giving him the cold shoulder, introduce him to your own hot date.”

“Yes,” Lamar said as a sly look crept over his own face. “And we’ve got just the guy for you to plot your revenge with!”