Friday, October 18, 2013
A Horse is a Horse - Unless...
“Come on, Jonesy, go get your paint on while I finish with this.”
“Don’t flake on me now, cuz. This is going to be awesome!”
“Says the guy who won’t be sporting purple balls for the next month! And I really don’t get that.” Jonesy pointed to the cardboard cut-out now painted in offset purple stripes.
“It’s a Palomino. Word is Talbot’s Peak has been overrun with horses, dude. So, of course, the purple fairy needs a purple horse.”
“Well that’s a zebra, Trevor, not a horse.”
“No man, it’s one of those multi-colored palomino horses. See different shades of purple.”
“I think you mean paint horses, not just palominos and paint horses have beautiful curved splotches, for lack of a better word, not lines. Lines equal zebra.
“What do you know of horses, Jonesy? This here is a palomino ‘horse’, now go get your spray on.”
“I know a lot about horses, dumbass. You’ve just never asked me anything about my loves before. And that is an African Zebra!”
“Your ‘loves’? Oh man, you sound like such a pussy…you know that black animal with the white stripe down its back…”
“That’s a skunk, man.”
“…now are we going to have to get you painted the hard way?”
Jonesy watched his cousin stand and brandish a paint can his way.
“You know, Trev, I have a better idea.”
Trevor sneezed for like the millionth time from the smell of spray paint that had yet to leave his nostrils. The horse hair he’d snipped from the one in the zoo where step-dad number two worked, kept pelting him in the face and his balls were chafed from exposure to the cold mountain air. He couldn’t believe how strong Jonesy really was until his cousin had held him down and painted him purple then slapped this horse costume on.
This was such a great Halloween prank, if he did say so himself. Dress up like the nude purple fairy riding a purple horse and leave bags of purple painted poo on doorsteps. It was still a few weeks before Halloween so who would suspect it.
“Until Jonesy and his love of horses.” Trevor muttered to himself.
You know what, no bigs. He still had his, mighty handsome, purple fairy; his spanky striped palomino pony cutout and a chariot nee’ little red wagon of purple poo. He was set to wreak havoc on the town of Talbot’s Peak.
“Ohmygod, ohmygod…where is everyone?” Daisy rang the front desk bell, eager to tell someone what she’d seen.
“Enough with the enthusiastic jingling. What do you want, young doe?”
“Ah, Ralph, right?”
“Yeah, yeah…what do you want?”
“Where is everyone?”
Ralph yawned, leaning heavily on the counter. “Ziva and Penny had some “thing” with a Texas Longhorn, half the staff just turned into horses including Nick who, no kidding, galloped out of here snorting and Mr. Ed-ing about the different things he was going to make out of the Southie—Longhorn chops, steaks, ribs and even ground chuck. He was good and pissed. Looked funny coming from that horse face.”
“Is anyone available to take a picture or two? The nude purple fairy is back and get this, he’s partially dressed like a purple…zebra.”
“What for?” Ralph asked.
“Got me, but he keeps saying giddy-up and spanking the zebra’s butt like he’s on a horse.”
“What an idiot…let me get a camera.”
Have a great weekend and may you find the perfect costume!