Monday, February 3, 2014
A Little Something for the Ladies
The only pothole was the man strapped onto the seat beside her. More specifically, the attractive, and very naked, werewolf who’d had a chance to rip out her throat but hadn’t done it.
In spite of her resolve, her eyes kept flicking over for a checkup glimpse of her passenger. He still seemed a bit woozy from the Taser. He was still naked, and still disturbingly handsome. His sweaty blond hair clung to his forehead and neck. That massive hard-on he’d stunned them all with back at the motel room had flopped back to pre-attack size. His cock was still pretty impressive. It would probably take both her hands to hold it still while she got her mouth around it …
She grabbed for the stick shift instead, and crushed her hand around the knob. Easy breaths. In and out. In and out.
“You okay?” the werewolf asked.
“I’m fine,” she snapped. Darn it. He had such a sexy voice. She knew vampires had special powers to entice helpless young women, but hadn’t known that extended to werewolves. Maybe they gave off some kind of animal musk that overwhelmed their victims. This one smelled more like singed fur right now, but that might change at any second.
Why couldn’t he have been a vampire? Maureen hated vampires. They took too much screen time away from the wolves in the movies.
“Um … excuse me?”
“Don’t talk to me,” she ordered him. “I’m trying to drive here.”
“Okay.” He was silent for all of a second. Then: “I’d slow down, I was you. This road gets really curvy. I don’t want to end up smeared on a tree, and I’m betting you don’t either.”
“We need distance. The rest of the team will be coming after us.”
“In what? This is your only transportation, right?”
“Cochrane has a car, and he doesn’t give up.”
The wolf considered that. “Drive faster.”
Maureen sped up, but only on the straight sections. When she came to a curve she slowed to more prudent speeds. Her next eye-flick showed her paranormal passenger had relaxed. He still had that tremendous schweinstuker. Maureen shot her eyes back to the road.
The werewolf cleared his throat. “Fill me in. Why did I kidnap you, exactly?”
“Because I’m the woman. Duh.”
“Sorry, but I’m a much more complex and well-rounded character. I need better motivation than that.”
“Okay. You’re taking me to the Doctor. He’s going to question me about Cochrane and the team. Then he’s going to experiment on me and turn me into one of his werewolf monsters. Assuming … ” Maureen licked her lips. “Assuming you don’t bite me in an escape attempt. Then I’ll turn anyway at the next full moon. Either way, I’m doomed.”
“Wow,” he said. “I had no idea I was such a heinous evil-doer. Wait’ll Dale finds out what a nefarious creature I am.” He looked out the window for several minutes before he looked at her. Maureen made sure to stare straight out the windshield. “You know it doesn’t work that way, right?”
“Of course it does. Werewolf bites victim, victim turns into werewolf. Everybody knows that.”
“But I’m not a werewolf. I’m a shapeshifter. I could bite you from now until Tuesday and you’d end up just as human as when we started.” His snort sounded amused. “Bet we’d both be really happy, though. Want to give it a shot? Just pull over anywhere along here.”
“Am not. You saw Twilight, right? Did it work for those wolves? ‘Course not. They’re wolves because they’re born wolves. Same thing here. But if biting’s your thing, let’s do it. I wasn’t lying about that part, either.”
“What about those other werewolves? The monsters in the picture. Where did they come from?”
“Hell if I know. You don’t want them anyway. They’re ugly. C’mon. You got pretty me right here.”
Don’t look at his dick. Don’t look at his dick. “I want to meet the Doctor.”
He didn’t respond. Her quick glance caught a sorry frown. “Hate to burst your bubble, sweet thing, but there is no Doctor. That was a lie. I made him up to squeeze a little info out of you yutzes.”
“I don’t believe you. Somebody created those creatures. Somebody’s been tampering with Talbot’s Peak for years. We did our research. That town’s a strange place.”
“Can’t argue with you there. We’ve got our share of weirdoes, sure enough, but no mad scientists that I’m aware of. We’re all the way we are naturally. Which is pretty scary in itself when you stop to think about it. Even the Mayor did what he did to himself. So you see, Velma—”
“Maureen. Maureen Starkey.”
“Ewan Carter. Sorry, Maureen, but nobody in Talbot’s Peak is going to turn you into a werewolf, so you might as well … ”
She actually heard the click of his jaw when he snapped it shut. She knew it wasn’t possible to smell a brain thinking, but some kind of faint aroma edged into the front seat of the van. Maybe it was that deadly wolf musk she’d been worried about.
“Chaos bite my balls,” he said. “You want to become a werewolf.”
Her hands shook a little on the wheel. “Do not.”
“Sure. That’s why you’re hanging around with the Loser Patrol. They couldn’t find Bigfoot if he sat behind ‘em at Chuck E. Cheese, but sooner or later even morons get lucky. All you need is one bite from the right wolf and you can be one of the pack. Is that it?”
“You don’t know anything!” She grabbed at the stickshift and gave it a yank. “Just shut up!”
“I’d like to,” he said, his voice oddly strangled, “but … ”
Maureen took her eyes off the road. She’d overshot her grab for the stick. The wolf didn’t look like he minded all that much. She yelped and let go. The van swerved dangerously close to the berm. Maureen locked both hands on the wheel and wrestled the van onto the center of the road. Once they’d smoothed out again she barked at Ewan, “Cover up.”
“I don’t care! Use the floor mat if you have to. There’s a pizza box next to your feet. Use that.”
“You’re just determined to suck all the fun out of our situation,” he said. He had the gall to emphasize suck. Maureen glared at him. He snickered. She gritted her teeth and continued driving doggedly toward Talbot’s Peak.