Thursday Extra: Read the Label

(This is another little idea that, ahem, came to me. I’m posting before I think better of it.)

Up and down and all around, the rainbow fairies danced. They flickered and flashed like gyrating prisms in a host of colors—red and blue, green and yellow and something close to cream. No purple. No black. Those colors were reserved for the males, something sorely lacking in this particular sororial swarm.

The girls were getting twitchy. Time for a summoning.

Carmen, reddest of the red fairies and a total rhymes-with-witch without a man around, took command. “Who’s got the fairy dust?”

“Um,” said Velusia. She was one of the maybe-creams, actually a pale yellow. Not so pale in the face just now. That blushed an ugly pink. Only Velusia could make pink look ugly, Carmen thought uncharitably. “It’s not dust yet.”

“Are you kidding me? How long does it take to dry spunk?”

Shelby, she of the sparkly turquoise wings, tittered. “If mortals only knew what fairy dust is made of … ”

“Will it even work?” Velusia said. “I mean, a spell that attracts men with the scent of dried cum? Really? Do we even want a male who’d find that irresistible?”

“It’s sympathetic magic,” Carmen explained patiently. “If you want a man who’ll c—I mean, if you want a man to c—to show up, you use something that’s uniquely male as the core ingredient in the spell.”

“Wait a minute,” Shelby said to Velusia. “If there aren’t any men around, where’d you get the jizz?”

“I had some stashed.” Velusia’s face flared like a nova. “It’s human, okay? Well, male fairies are rare. I had to make do.”

“Do not tell us where you found mortal jizz,” Carmen said. “Please don’t.”

“You know,” Shelby said thoughtfully, “We could be going about this the wrong way. Screw spells. Let’s just hit the bars. Beer works so much faster than magic. You can even get them to buy.” The swarm buzzed in accord.

Carmen fluttered away. She looked at her hand and heaved a sigh. “Looks like it’s just us again, sweetie.”