Friday, September 19, 2014

Leaping Lizards...It's Not Turkey?

It's okay, Erol. Don't panic!
Erol rolled, as any human would, across the casino’s back alley.  He remembered at the last minute that a typical human would not land on his feet, especially after having eaten as much as he had.

“And stay out!” Yelled one of the three steroid stinking bouncers.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah.” He yawned, not overly worried about getting the boot from this casino.  More so, he wanted to make sure they did not touch his fiery mate.  Leaping lizards she was a site to behold spouting her righteous anger like flames surrounding her.

“How dare they do this!  How dare, they throw my man out the back door of their rotten casino!  See if I spend any more of my hard earned money in their disgusting, bedbug ridden pit!”

Erol smirked at her outrage on his behalf.  How could he not love this little sprite of a woman?

“Really, Karma, are you going to stop laughing anytime soon?”


“This is really too much.  You know, Mrs. Elly wouldn’t throw Erol out for eating too much, she’d just make him more flapjacks.”

“The best flapjacks, Fair one, but she certainly has nothing to worry about on the bacon front…turkey bacon.  There should be a law against that.” Erol said, shaking his head. “You know, it tastes…skunky.”

“No-no, wait Greely, pl-please let me find my camera before you tell him!”

Erol got a bad feeling, deep in his pleasantly filled gut as he watched a laughing Karma frantically search her bags.  “Tell me what, Fair one?”

“Please Gree, don’t be mean, just let me get a shot of that face when he finds out…ooh, here’s my camera.”

“Stop it, Karma.” Greely waved away her friend and turned back his way.  “Now Erol, you know Elly is a herbie, and they don’t eat meat.”

“So, what, the bacon is tofurky or something?”

“Try dropping the –rky.”

Oh fire and damnation!  A flash went off in his face as the realization hit. “Tofu!  She’d been poisoning me with gelatinous, skunky tasting weeds?”

“Got it!” Karma rejoiced with a fist pump and what he always called a happy dance.  The combo didn’t piss him off half as much as the idea of what Elly had been feeding him did.

“Not weeds, soy and soymilk.” Greely soothed, her small hand on his chest.


“It’s good for you.”

“I’d rather eat skunk.  Or, camel hump!”

“Hey, watch it, slimy.  I’ve heard dragon balls are supposed to be a delicacy.  I haven’t ever tried them, but keep it up and I might.”

“Both of you stop it.  Now is not the time.  We’ve been kicked out of our rooms and by now, probably black-balled around town.”

"Oooh, oooh...there's a wise crack on the tip of my tongue, Gree."

"Not a word, Karma. We have issues to resolve, not ass to crack. Yes, the pun was intended, just for you, my dear."

"You're killing me, Gree, killing me!"

"I know.  Now, suggestions anyone?"
“Well if someone hadn’t ingested three-fourths of the all you can eat buffet, we’d be gambling right about now.”

“Watch it, Karma.”

“Ooh, why’s that, Erol?”

“Because I’ve still got room for Camel hump.”

“Forget it, you two," Greely said, grabbing several pieces of luggage. "Let’s just head out for London.  But first, I want to fly over the Hoover Dam.”

“It’s too early for that, Fair one.”

“Fine, let’s go take the tour, then on to London.”

“Sounds good…can we check out the buffet at that, New York hotel?”

Both ladies looked at him like he was crazy.  “What?”

“More food, Erol?”  Greely asked.

“What can I say…I’m still hungry.”

“Props, Erol.” Karma praised. “You know, you’ve got some big ba…”

“Stomachs!” Greely interrupted.  “Big stomachs.”
I have to say, I love shocking Erol.  He's just uptight enough to make it fun...and how he missed the fact that Mrs. Elly is a herbie, I'll never know.  Could be he just didn't want to believe he was eating poisonous weeds, er, tofu.  I'm surprised though that he didn't blow and torch part of the strip.  Could be Greely's been a good influence on him. :)

Have a great weekend!


Rebecca Gillan said...

"Try dropping the rky." That was awesome! Poor Erol, being fed weeds by Miss Ellie.

Pat C. said...

This has to be the best one yet. Poor Erol. How dare they make him eat veggies! And weeds? It's a carnivore's nightmare!

(Though you'd think a dragon's diet would include some form of woody substance to keep those fires stoked. Does he snack on charcoal?)

Why don't they just get a lawyer? Homer Simpson was thrown out of an all-you-can-eat buffet and he sued. He hadn't had all he could eat. Maybe Lionel Hutz of I Can't Believe It's a Law Firm is available.

Savanna Kougar said...

~snickers of delight~ Fun fab flash, Serena. Maybe a buffet-stuffed Erol isn't overly dragon-aggressive? Besides who knows what chemicals they put in that stuff?

On to the Hoover dam and London, I say.

Serena Shay said...

Right, Rebecca. Poor Erol and it wasn't even good weeds in say the brownies! ;)

Serena Shay said...

Thanks Pat! Yeah, it is a nightmare though I'm sure Mrs Elly was only looking out for Erol...even if he didn't know it.

Nah, no charcoal. He is a blacksmith so he works over an open fire...who knows how much he actually ingests. :D

Oh, that's right, Homer did get tossed from a buffet. LOL Yeah, he could get a lawyer, but then he'd have to explain the ability to eat so much and not spring a gut or burst his stomach. Not sure the Dragon defense would fly. ;)

Serena Shay said...

Thanks Savanna! Yeah, I'm sure with enough food Erol turns into a docile beast. Don't tell anyone though. ;)

Yep, on to Hoover and London!