Friday, August 6, 2010

The Pronoun Puzzle...


Pronoun, pronoun, who's got the pronoun...

It's amazing to me how littered with pronouns my rough drafts get with hims, hers, and he's, she's.  When I try to cut back on the pronouns up front I end up with a draft overflowing with names...lol

It's a good thing we edit, and have kick ass CP's and editors!  Anyone else have the pronoun problem?  If so, have you found a good way of catching it up front rather than waiting for the edit phase of a story?  I'd love to know...  :)

~~~
Gypsy Wolf

Edmund couldn’t decide if it was the gypsy’s beauty or her scent that intrigued him more. Her hair was a lovely black, reminiscent of a raven’s wing and her eyes were a perfect green—akin to the meat of the sweet kiwi he longed to feed past her full lower lip. Her skin was smooth and pale and her nose was just a bit of a thing, nothing like the aged crow he’d been expecting.


“Tigan, gypsy? Are you the gypsy wolf ?” Her scent was that of a pup, lacking its first change, only less. It was as if her body had yet to decide if it would ever change. She was a paradox in their world and could not be trusted.

“Yes, I am the seer.”

Her husky whisper slid  down his spine and grabbed him by the balls. His wolf paced, pushing at his skin, reaching out to rub itself against the warmth standing before him. Edmund growled, filling the small tent and sending this diminutive gypsy wolf stumbling backwards.

This woman could be his mate, if only he didn’t have to kill her.
~~~~~~~

Have a great weekend!

14 comments:

Savanna Kougar said...

Hmmm... pronouns, I usually don't worry a whole lot until I begin doing my revising and editing. Then, as I'm reading along, it usually pops out at me, if I used too many and the scene is confusing. However, those other pair of editing eyes are always GOOD for catching even more.

Ooooh, Edmund's inner wolf wants to burst free and know his 'possible' mate.

Pat C. said...

You think you've got problems? I'm writing a guy-on-guy, and my manuscript overfloweth with "hes." In this case you have to use names a lot, otherwise nobody's going to know who's doing what to whom where. At least with a male/female tag team you can tell them apart. What do the people who write M/M/M and M/M/M/M do? Those are the writers we should get to answer this question.

Mmmmm ... husky whispers sliding down spines, yummy. And his wolf's all set to pounce, but for fun stuff or death? More! More!

Savanna Kougar said...

Pat... lol... I wouldn't even want to try to deal with that many of same pronouns in a story... it's darn hard enough in my menages to keep everyone identified properly. You have to think in a whole new way when you write because pronouns can't be used in the same way when all the heroines and heroes are together.

Serena Shay said...

Oh I agree, Savanna, a extra pair of editing eyes is worth its weight in silver...(my jags wouldn't let me use the detested gold word...lol, they're allergic. ;)

Yeppers, Edmund was locked and loaded this time. Branwen has him all riled up!

Serena Shay said...

LOL...Pat, I hear ya! I finished the rough draft of my second jag story a while back and it's a menage, two guys and a girl, and it was a bugger to get it all straight...I've yet to dig into editing so I'm sure I have some fun in store! ;)

Oh my, not even sure how I'd be able to write a M/M/M/M and get it all aligned correctly! ;)

Good luck!

Rebecca Murray said...

Oh come on! You're not gonna leave us hanging till next week wondering why the thinks he has to kill her, are you? That's cruel and unusual...

Solara said...

Bits and pieces keep us coming back for more. What do our followers think? Maybe it's time for a poll.

Solara

Serena Shay said...

Hey Rebecca,
You know, I told Edmund that it was cruel to leave the readers hanging, but you know what he said...

"Bugger, this is my story and I'll tell it as I like!"

Branwen, of course, cleared her throat in the background and he actually blushed...gotta love a woman with that kinda skill! ;)

Serena Shay said...

Oh Solara, don't tempt me. I love polls! I always find myself giving my thoughts if a poll is involved. lol

Pat C. said...

Cruel, yes, unusual, no. Cliffhangers are the writer's friend and the reader's bane.

Atta girl, Branwen! Don't let him push you around!

Savanna Kougar said...

Oh, Edmund, I do like a forceful man... but then, I like a forceful heroine, as well. Branwen can take him 'in hand'.

Serena Shay said...

That's true, Pat. Cliffhangers are a writer's friend, and they are so much fun! ;)

Lol, nope Branwen won't be pushed around, not anymore, anyway.

Serena Shay said...

Oh Savanna, Edmund is so-so forceful! He has a tendency to be a bit growly towards the other characters in my mental green room, but take him in hand Branwen does, regularly! ;)

I love visiting the GR, there is always something going on in there! LOL

Rebecca Murray said...

(Sh! i was trying to get her to tell us something!)

I love writing cliff hangers! It's almost as fun as despicable bad guys. But I have to say, that cliff hanger is torture!