Sunday, November 7, 2010

Maggie Dishes the Dirt

(Because what fun is a newspaper without a coyote gossip columnist?)

Bon jour, pups and kitties, Maggie’s back with the latest scat on all the shifter doings. Which pack leads the pack? Which mutt is sniffing around someone else’s tree? It’s all here and it’s all true. Well, most of it’s true. I just put it out there. Your decision, darlings.

Megacongrats to the Shusters on the birth of their twins! Kayli’s an Alpha already – that puppy can bite! – and Connor’s got the loveliest yellow eyes you ever saw. Get out there and howl, Lily and Jeff – you’ve got every right to be proud!

Oooh, Myra – were those silver fox hairs I spotted on your blouse when we did brunch last Thursday? Is there something you’re not telling us, darling? ‘Fess up!

Good news, girls – Damien, Alpha of the Hancock pack, informs me his son Devon is on the prowl for a mate. Devon’s just out of grad school and likes fresh-killed elk and long hunts in the moonlight. He’s not a cat fancier, however, so no felines need apply. Wag those tails, ladies – the line forms now!

Speaking of felines, a little birdie tells me H.P. is chasing cat-tail again. Don’t lie to me, sweetie – I know that was you at the Sandbox. Somebody put that dog on a leash!

There’s a certain restaurant downtown – you all know the one – whose meat isn’t as fresh as it could be. Come on, W.T., you can’t fool this nose. Roadkill’s roadkill, no matter what kind of a fancy name you slap on it. And a French chef? Poodles are German, darling. Read up on your breeds before you buy.

Oh, Kurt – don’t look now, but someone’s been lifting his leg on your fencepost. Maybe we’ve got an ambitious low-ranker out there looking to improve his position? Word to the wise, dear.

That’s all for this week, sweeties. Maggie’s got to get back to her digging. I’ll be at Tuleroy’s Wednesday night. We’ll see if Julie’s finally caught wise and cut back on the perfume. Eau de Wildebeast is so not you, darling. Toodles!

What, I'm the only one here today? Fine, I'm not posting tomorrow. I did my bit already this week. Nyahh!


Serena Shay said...

Ooh, De-von...I'm cutting at the front of the line for that sweet piece! I heard a secret down at the local pet store, Maggie, during my latest nail trim and grooming. Seems as though Devon spent his summers holding off the mama's who tried hard to get him to start a stud service. I guess he's very well-well! ;)

LOL, thanks for the Sun treat, Pat! It helped me get through the laundry.

Rebecca Murray said...

Oh dang. I totally forgot to post my sports piece!

Savanna Kougar said...

Pat, that is just too, too good! Yoodles and yowls and yips of laughter. Ooooh, and thanks on the Devon tip. I'll be staying out of the snarling snipping way of the bitches lining up for his big package o' goodies.