“Hello. Will I what? Collect call from who?” Lamar’s sleepy voice grated Danny’s already frazzled nerves two strings short of fried.
“Come on Lamar, take my call.” His muffled plea echoed over intermittent static filled connection.
“Danny, I’ll take the call, but you owe me.” Lamar’s exasperated tone and word emphasis sent shivers down Danny’s back.
Swallowing air and gripping the phone tighter, Danny belched. “Excuse me, Lamar. I need your help.”
“What help could I possibly be? Got yourself in hock again? Your spice caught up with you and demanded back child support?” Lamar’s laugh and sneer roared through the clear line and into Danny’s ear.
“There’s no need to shout. I really need your help. Come on love. You know I’m good for it. Always have been and always will be.”
“Cut the syrupy sweet talk, you slink! Maybe I should say skunk! A two faced one.” Lamar’s ire and word choices cut Danny to the quick.
“What’s gotten into you? “ Danny looked toward the other person occupying the room. Wearing a gun and badge, the police officer pointed at her watch. She held up five fingers.
Danny gulped. Of all the damnedest times for Lamar to decide to be butch. “I’m sorry I took off and left you a note. I didn’t have time to explain.”
“Explain what? You prefer women over men. Or as the latest office gossip tells it, you prefer both and will crawl into whose ever bed reaps you the most rewards.” Lamar’s hiss and heavy sigh heated Danny’s ear.
The policewoman unhooked her baton and tapped it against her leg. Shit, he didn’t want to become some female’s plaything or her bend over boyfriend.
“Okay so I fucked---" Lamar cut him off.
“Fucked anything and everything I’m sure. So cut to the chase my ex-amant or I hang up the phone. And reject your next collect call along with all future ones.” Lamar’s nasty laugh rolled out of the phone, singeing Danny’s eardrum.
Danny glanced at the policewoman walking toward him. He shot up his hand, waving five fingers at her as he blew her an airborne kiss. Maybe he could sweet talk his way out of becoming her bottom to his preferred top position. She nodded and returned to her post.
“I need bail money and Nick to vouch for me. Come on Lamar help your sweetiekins out.” Danny dropped his gaze to his feet. Groveling wasn’t one of his better virtues. Not that he had many if any at all.
“Bail money? How much and why?” Lamar went silent. Danny knew that unspoken demand and tone. Lamar was not taking any more bullshit.
Danny heaved a deep sigh and explained. “I’m in jail. I need five thousand---“
“Five thousand!” Lamar’s voice carried out of the phone and several feet from where Danny stood. “Whatever you got your sluttish ass and cock into, I don’t want to know. Nick is out of the office. And I don’t have that kind of cash or credit. You’re S.O.L.”
“S.O.L.?” Danny grimaced at Lamar’s next words.
“Shit out of luck. Call back in a couple of days when Nick is back and maybe he’ll help you out. But from what I heard as he left the office not too many employees were on his favorites list.” Lamar began to say have fun and hang up. Danny’s high-pitched yelp stayed his action.
“What the hell are you squeaking about now?” Lamar waited, listening intently to the background noise.
“Uhmmm, I gotta go. And take care of business. Just remember the song Do You Take It in the Ass next time you see me.” The phone went dead in Lamar’s ear. A huge grin started growing into a mega watt smile. Oh did he have a tip for Maggie’s next column.
The holiday season is upon us. Snow, that horrible four letter word, ranges in and out of our forecast here in DC. Time to light a fire in the fireplace and share the heat with your loves. Or a few hot scenes from your favorite book!
Have a great weekend!