Friday, February 3, 2012

A Day in the Life of Mayor Link...

My dear Mayor Link,

It is with deep sadness and concern that I pen this letter. I have recently received your "census” letter and I am greatly concerned.  That you would use community funds to distribute this ridiculous form to the good townsfolk of Talbot's Peak disturbs me greatly.

Let's start with your first question:


Human ___ Shapeshifter ___ Vampire ____ Spirit Being ___

God ____ Other ____

If shapeshifter, please specify animal ________________________________________

Really Mayor, do you expect us to believe there are vampires, God’s, or for heaven sakes shape shifters living right next door?  Would you have me believe that my neighbor and good friend, Ella Phant—the woman who recently saved us from the forest fire, goes out at night and changes into an animal beneath the moon’s glow? 

That is just crazy talk Mr. Mayor!  Ms. Phant is as human as I am.

Now, as to question four –

Are you

Single ____ Mated ____ In pack or group living arrangement ____ Other _____

We are single or married Mr. Mayor and we certainly do not live in packs or group arrangements.

Question five is just plainly ridiculous.

Type of dwelling

House _____ Den/Lair ______ Cave ______ Nest _______

Underwater Dwelling ______ Other ______
Do you really believe somebody could live in a nest or under water?

Are you pleased with how local government is currently running things?

Yes ____ No ____

I most certainly am not pleased.  If this is how you run a town, Mr. Mayor, I will most assuredly be voting for the other candidate in the upcoming elections.


Please note:  every Tuesday night and church basement there is a meeting you might find of great help in your personal life.  Attendance is anonymous and all who are in need will be welcomed.

A concerned constituent,
Melva Morgan


“Another one from a concerned constituent, Mr. Mayor.”

Lance rolled his eyes at the arrival of yet another letter denouncing the census form. He wondered, not for the first time, why the hell he ran for this position.  “Great…”

“This one called you a drunk, only in that ‘hey, come to a meeting’ kinda way. “

“Who's this one from, Paul?” Lance choked over the pronunciation of his assistant name. Why does anyone spell their name P.A.U.L. and then insist it be pronounced Paaa-uool?  There were days he loved his job and day's he hated it, today went in the latter column.

“It's signed Melva Morgan.”

“Of course it is.” He should've known Melva would be so vocal. She was also the most oblivious member of their community. He'd actually wondered if she was blind when he'd first taken the job, but her precise description of a  group of kids playing a harmless prank on Nick over at the Gazette cleared him of that perception.  “How does that woman not realize her latest paramour is a mole?”

Paaa-uool, snickered behind his hand, continuing to page through the mail.

“He's an actual mole, Paul…”

“Good at what he does, maybe?”

“He’d have to be damn good for her to miss all the dirt under his nails, in his ears and rimming his nostrils.”Lance peeled his banana, wondering just what the little bugger was so good at that he had Melva Morgan convinced he was human.

“Ah, Sir…”

“Yep, what is it, Paul?”

“Still no forms, er, dry forms from the non-human population.”

“Of course not,” Lance grumbled. “Why would they make it easy?  By the way, how's my office coming?”

“About that, sir,” his assistant replied sheepishly.  “The cleaner thinks the only way to remove the smell is to remove the office.”


“You need to hire a contractor, Mr. Mayor, to tear down and re-build your office.”

Yep, today he really hated his job.

Have a fabulous weekend!



Pat C. said...

I hear Beaver Brothers Builders do great construction work.

Paa-uool sounds like somebody who'd hang out with Lamar. Are they related?

Savanna Kougar said...

That's hilarious! Still a few unknowing humans in the fair town of Talbot's Peak. And a mole paramour, omygoodness!

Beaver Brothers Builders, oh yeah, they've done a couple of projects for Dante.

Serena Shay said...

LOL...Beaver Brothers, yep you know they do good work considering their love of wood! :)

Lamar and Paa-uool are not related, but the share a common love of lingerie, wigs and studly wolves. ;)

Serena Shay said...

Yep, Savanna, moles. It's hard to believe that Ms. Melva is so oblivious, but that's love for you. :D

Pat C. said...

Given her surname, are you sure Melva's not horse-related?

Pat C. said...

PS: Who doesn't love wood? ;)

Savanna Kougar said...

Nick loves wood...

Serena Shay said...

LOL...Nick adores wood! Ziva loves Nick's wood and the Beaver Brothers love everyone's wood! Woot, it's a wood loving community. hehe

Serena Shay said...

No, no horse flesh in Melva's family, er, none that she knows about. Of course, maybe the gene's are recessed in good old Melva. Wouldn't that be something for her to find out about! LOL

Savanna Kougar said...

Oooh, and all the trees... most of the Talbot's Peak shifters adore trees for obvious reasons.