Monday, December 17, 2012

'Tis The Season

“No,” newly-elected Mayor Gil said firmly. “I will not preside over the lighting of the Christmas tree. I’ll make an appearance on Christmas morning. That’s the best you get."

“But it’s tradition,” Paul argued. “The Mayor flips the switch, the tree lights up, and the little kids sing carols. It’s adorable. You can’t buy PR that good.”

“Take another look at the calendar, Paul. It’s inside the full-moon cycle.”

“Sir, nobody cares that you’re a squirrel.”

“Last time I went out after dark I got chased by a cat.”

“A real cat, sir, not one of us. It was shifters who drove it off, remember?”

“Yeah,” Gil grumbled. “Two wolf pups. Mayor of friggin’ Talbot’s Peak and I owe my tail to a couple of puppies. Who’s going to respect me after this? Then their mom gave me this huge mug of coffee. Like a squirrel needs coffee. I’m twitchy enough.”

“Relax, sir. Nobody respected Mayor Link and he stayed in office for years.”

“That’s so encouraging.” Gil suddenly leaned out his office window, the one facing the square and the gaily-decorated blue spruce. “Hey, you! Yeah, you, Fido. Lay off the tree! That ain’t what it’s for.” He leaned back and shut the window with a sigh. “There’s no way to stop them, is there? Or the cats from sharpening their claws.”

“Most of the residents respect the tree, but you know how it is, sir. There’s always a few. We could put up a fence, but that defeats the purpose. If it’s any consolation, they do leave the ornaments alone.”

“Whoopie for that.” Gil sat at his desk and thought deeply for a moment. “Okay, I’ll light the tree, but I want security."

“As Mayor, you run the police department, sir.”

“Does Officer Gordon chase squirrels?”

“He’s never been known to, sir.”

“Make sure there’s some nice big herbivores out there, just to be on the safe side. What if I was to”—Gil shuddered, then continued—“scamper up the tree and put the star on top?”

“The people would love you, sir.”

“That’s what I was afraid of. Is there any way at all I can ban cameras from the square? Just for the ceremony?” Paul gave a somber shake of his head. Gil echoed it. “That’s what I was afraid of. Well, I can still hide Louie’s camera. I can save myself that, at least.” Another hideous notion occurred to him. “I don’t have to sing with the kids, do I?”

“Mayor Link never did, sir. However, he used to dress up as Santa and hand out presents at the Toys for Tots box at the pet shop.”

“No way I’m gonna pass for Santa, even with a pillow. Wait, I got it.” Gil grinned evilly. “Louie don’t know it yet, but he just volunteered.”

“He definitely has the girth for it, sir.”

“You can say that again. Serve him right for—yeah. One other thing. This isn’t exactly a law or a proclamation or whatever, but … anybody who sings ‘The Chipmunk Song’ anywhere near me is gonna get a candy cane where the sun never shines. Especially if they do it in a high voice. Kind’a spread the word around, wouldja?”

“I’ll start at Elly’s diner. It should radiate out from there.”

“Thanks, Paul. You’re a lifesaver, you know that?”

“It’s my job, sir. Though I never object to any extras in my stocking, if you catch my drift.”

“You’re drifting loud and clear, kid. I work with a rat, remember? Okay, I’ll light the damn tree, I don’t have to sing, and you and the staff get bonuses. We covered?”

“God bless us every one, sir.”

“Yeah.” Gil leaned on his desk. “Ho ho friggin’ ho.”


Savanna Kougar said...

Oh, Pat, I love it! It's a scream. Oh, that Gil. Perfect Mayor for the Peak. Wouldn't I love seeing Gil scamper up the tree and put the star on top. I might not even play the chipmunks song then, from an ancient boom box.

Pat C. said...

Angling for that candy cane, are you?

Serena Shay said...

Oh Pat, that was perfect...Gil's the shite! hehe

Savanna Kougar said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Savanna Kougar said...

Naw, I'll have have a few wolf bodyguards, and Gil will hand over the candy cane nice and peaceful like...hehe...

Savanna Kougar said...

OBTW, I posted Gil's blog on the Paranormal Monday loop. I'd give you the addy, but you're not a member.

Pat C. said...

Thanks! Look at that, Gil's building a following.

He also has a candy cane with Louie's name on it.

Savanna Kougar said...

Are you going write that blog? Louie and the specially placed candy cane?

Pat C. said...

I just said Gil had one. I didn't say he'd be able to get close enough to, um, lodge his complaint. Even the Mayor knows better than to fight with a cornered rat.

Savanna Kougar said...

Okay then, are you going to write Louie's reaction when he learns that there is a candy cane with his name on it, courtesy of Mayor Gil?

Pat C. said...

I've got something else in mind for Monday, if I can pull it off.

Last night I inadvertently heard "The Chipmunk Song." Did I just earn myself a candy cane?

Rebecca Gillan said...

You've earned yourself a spanking at the very least...

Savanna Kougar said...

Yep, a spanking at least...

Good luck on the Christmas Eve bloggie!