My thanks to Pat this week for bringing Horton Kirkpatrick, ex-revivalist preacher to Talbot's Peak on Monday...the town had so many questions for TP Lupa after that, but I cut them down to three. ;)
Dear TP Lupa,
I think I might be crazy. I attended the revival this week looking for good eats, but there was none so I went to leave when the biggest snake I ever saw exploded outta this dude there. I need to know, should I visit with Doc Leo?
Stop eating those berries in the north side woods and sleep it off dude. You’ll be fine.
Dear TP Lupa,
I think a large snake ate my lover at the revival this week. I mean we went together looking for some free eats, all hell broke loose and then he was gone. Could my boopsie still be alive inside that yucky reptile…you know like in that Anaconda flick?
Unless your boy toy was of the rodent variety I don’t think a snake can unhinge the jaws wide enough to take on an Elk. Likely, your man decided it’s over and it’s time to move on. Next time you hook up; find someone with an established set who will be honest when it’s over. By the by…don’t believe everything you see in the movies.
Dear TP Lupa,
I’m confused. At the revival I learned that apparently, God travels either by tent or by Winnebago and is a massive snake with wings. I thought God was named Lupa and was a She with an attitude?
Trust TP when I tell you that your God is indeed one big bitch who will have your nuts for supper if you don’t call her Lupa. She doesn’t travel by tent or a house on wheels; she comes in on all four paws with a burst of sun surrounding her. Keep your eyes low and your belly presented in her presence. Remember though, your Lupa is not everyone’s God. Deities abound in the world and even more so in Talbot’s Peak. Be respectful and you’ll be fine.
That’s it for TP Lupa this week, pups and kitties, cubs and kids or whatever designation you’d like to go with. As my over and out I’d like to encourage all of you who saw the reptilian display at the revivalist tent to send this Lupa your story to tplupa@g&b.com.
Nick looked over the desk to gage the reaction of his fellow protector. “What do you think, Dante?”
“One tale is just that, a fantasy…two is a fluke, but three stories of a giant winged snake? What the fuck did we miss at this revival?”
“Most of the wolves went looking for grub…not unusual, but there were lots of other animals in attendance, apparently. Most were probably just passing the time, but that group must have been way to large for a mass histaria scenario.”
“Which means there’s truth to the story.” Dante grumbled and rose from his seat. “But damn, snakes? Why…”
“Already said it, brother, more than once.” Nick snickered at the man who while unrelated to him was just like family, and handed over another sheet of paper. “Plus, there’s this. I’ve kept it out of the paper and offline for now, but…”
Dear Lupa Bitch,
The great Itzcoatl would like to inform this town that he has arrived and will be worshiped as is his right. Prepare to bow down to him and him alone!
His servant, Rattlin’ Rosa
“Scat!” Dante growled.
“You got that right. You’d best get Kitty to frequent the tunnels close to the club for a while until we know what’s going on.”
“What about Z?”
“I’ve got her close. I let her think she’s in charge lately which keeps her snuggled up tight to me. The hell will be when she realized my game…so we’d best be quick about getting it figured out.”
“You’re either brave, Nick, or really damn stupid. I like that about you, bud.”