Friday, May 3, 2013

Forewarned Friday with TP Lupa

My thanks to Pat this week for bringing Horton Kirkpatrick, ex-revivalist preacher to Talbot's Peak on Monday...the town had so many questions for TP Lupa after that, but I cut them down to three.  ;)
Dear TP Lupa,

I think I might be crazy.  I attended the revival this week looking for good eats, but there was none so I went to leave when the biggest snake I ever saw exploded outta this dude there.  I need to know, should I visit with Doc Leo?

Fleeing Fred

Hey FF,

Stop eating those berries in the north side woods and sleep it off dude.  You’ll be fine.


Dear TP Lupa,

I think a large snake ate my lover at the revival this week.  I mean we went together looking for some free eats, all hell broke loose and then he was gone.  Could my boopsie still be alive inside that yucky reptile…you know like in that Anaconda flick?

Elawina Elk

Um, El,

Unless your boy toy was of the rodent variety I don’t think a snake can unhinge the jaws wide enough to take on an Elk.  Likely, your man decided it’s over and it’s time to move on.  Next time you hook up; find someone with an established set who will be honest when it’s over.  By the by…don’t believe everything you see in the movies.


Dear TP Lupa,

I’m confused.  At the revival I learned that apparently, God travels either by tent or by Winnebago and is a massive snake with wings.  I thought God was named Lupa and was a She with an attitude?

Confused, Cornelius

Big C,

Trust TP when I tell you that your God is indeed one big bitch who will have your nuts for supper if you don’t call her Lupa.  She doesn’t travel by tent or a house on wheels; she comes in on all four paws with a burst of sun surrounding her.  Keep your eyes low and your belly presented in her presence.  Remember though, your Lupa is not everyone’s God.  Deities abound in the world and even more so in Talbot’s Peak.  Be respectful and you’ll be fine.

That’s it for TP Lupa this week, pups and kitties, cubs and kids or whatever designation you’d like to go with.  As my over and out I’d like to encourage all of you who saw the reptilian display at the revivalist tent to send this Lupa your story to tplupa@g& 

Nick looked over the desk to gage the reaction of his fellow protector.  “What do you think, Dante?”

“One tale is just that, a fantasy…two is a fluke, but three stories of a giant winged snake?  What the fuck did we miss at this revival?”

“Most of the wolves went looking for grub…not unusual, but there were lots of other animals in attendance, apparently.  Most were probably just passing the time, but that group must have been way to large for a mass histaria scenario.”

“Which means there’s truth to the story.” Dante grumbled and rose from his seat. “But damn, snakes?  Why…”

“Already said it, brother, more than once.”  Nick snickered at the man who while unrelated to him was just like family, and handed over another sheet of paper.  “Plus, there’s this. I’ve kept it out of the paper and offline for now, but…”

Dear Lupa Bitch,

The great Itzcoatl would like to inform this town that he has arrived and will be worshiped as is his right.  Prepare to bow down to him and him alone!
His servant, Rattlin’ Rosa

“Scat!” Dante growled.

“You got that right.  You’d best get Kitty to frequent the tunnels close to the club for a while until we know what’s going on.”

“What about Z?”

“I’ve got her close.  I let her think she’s in charge lately which keeps her snuggled up tight to me.  The hell will be when she realized my game…so we’d best be quick about getting it figured out.”

“You’re either brave, Nick, or really damn stupid.  I like that about you, bud.”

Watch out for winged snakes and revivalists without good eats this week!



Pat C. said...

Dear TP Lupa,

Would you please reassure Savanna all the animals at the revival escaped unharmed. Itzcoatl wasn't quick enough this time. He went home with an empty stomach. His wife Suzy was able to placate him with a huge plate of pasta and a bottle of Yoo Hoo. He's really into the chocolate drinks.

Where can I find some of those "funny" berries?

Animal Lover

Pat C. said...

Dear TP Lupa,

Why does it always have to be snakes?

Dr. Henry Jones, Jr.
en route to Nepal

Serena Shay said...

Hey there Animal,

Thanks for letting us know all the animals looking for grub were fast on their hooves, paws and talons! Let Izl suck on his Yoo Hoo and possibly a little suzy. Wake up, Izl...and take a hike. ;)


Serena Shay said...

Yo Doc,

Your help is always welcome! Bring your ass back home and lets kick this snake in the tail.

pssst...bring that ark things with you.


Savanna Kougar said...

Oh, thank the Great Lupa, no animals were harmed either at the revival stampede or by Itzi's ravenous need to dine.

Lord a mercy, though, time for Lamar to 'fess up, or there's gonna be a god and goddess showdown. Pasha doesn't want any of her new Talbot's Peaks friends to be sacrificed.

P.S. This is fun, funny-fabulous, Serena.

Savanna Kougar said...

Yeah, we could use that ark thing in The Peak, and Dante likely has the perfect underground home for it... but it is radioactive, according to the evidence.

Serena Shay said...

Thanks Savanna! You know, I'm sure Lamar is working on a plan that will save the town and keep his little red wolf safe and sound. :)

Yep, radioactive indeed, but I bet we have enough off world techno experts in town to help us successfully and ecologically store it if need be. ;)

Savanna Kougar said...

That Lamar... he's one sneaky snake on the good side!

That's true about the ark, and one reason it was coated in gold, which does protect from radiation... and, also one reason astronauts had gold-covered visors, from my understanding.

Rebecca Gillan said...

I like TP Luna's advice. Now the question is, how many of the other resident gods are going to react to Itzy's little meltdown? I for see Lex getting delusions of grandire again, this time becaus of his great grandmother Bast who once defeated the Great Serpant of Chaos...

Pat C. said...

Everybody relax. Suzy has a plan to thwart her husband, and she's already set it in motion, with Quetzalcoatl's blessing. I'm just waiting for the right moment to write it up and post. We can let this plotline stew for a while or I can wrap it up whenever. Just say the word.

Serena Shay said...

Oh my, if Lex starts making plans he'll pull a couple of little hellions in on it...But, then Marissa will ride herd on him for involving her kiddos, so perhaps that's enough to keep him in check. ;)

We shall see! (Yay!)

Serena Shay said...

Ah, Pat...this is a faboo plotline! Keep it going if you have more to share and wrap it up when you see fit. :D

OMGosh, wives plans for their hubbies is always good! I bet Suzy will have a doozy for Itzl. ;)

Savanna Kougar said...

Yeah, echoing... wrap it up when you see fit.

But, yes, there are several goddesses, gods, demi-goddesses, demi-gods, and other super powerful beings in Talbot's Peak who would corral Itzi and his awesome power.