Yep, it’s scary season again. Here are some general tips to get you through All Hallow’s Eve.
Never tell a vampire “Bite me.”
Spirits and poltergeists do not like having the theme song from “Casper the Friendly Ghost” sung to them.
Werewolves cannot be deterred by a rolled-up newspaper, unless the paper is rolled up around a lead pipe.
Ogres can be bought off with chocolate. But then, so can just about anybody.
The difference between an orc and a goblin: the orc can throw you farther.
Depowered shapechangers do not appreciate being called “shiftless.”
Jack-o-Lanterns like to get lit.
A black cat crossing your path means bad luck for you, unless you’re behind the wheel of a car at the time.
A buzzard circling overhead means good luck … for the buzzard.
Using a dragon to barbecue burgers is considered animal abuse and will bring down the wrath of PETA upon you. Using a dragon to barbecue obnoxious PETA adherents is perfectly acceptable.
Don’t worry about the monster under the bed. The dust bunnies will get it.
Pteranodons do not breathe fire. However, their farts can be deadly.
Got a bit of a lift from an unexpected source the other day. Friday’s episode of Supernatural had Dean turn into a vampire. Since I had “cast” Jensen Ackles as the vampire hero of my story, it was almost like seeing my character on screen. He even cleaned out a vampire nest, in a scene that mirrored a similar scene in my story. This is probably as close as I’ll ever get to seeing my stuff on TV. If Sam becomes a prostitute next week, my life will be complete.