Monday, October 25, 2010

Surviving Halloween

Yep, it’s scary season again. Here are some general tips to get you through All Hallow’s Eve.

Never tell a vampire “Bite me.”

Spirits and poltergeists do not like having the theme song from “Casper the Friendly Ghost” sung to them.

Werewolves cannot be deterred by a rolled-up newspaper, unless the paper is rolled up around a lead pipe.

Ogres can be bought off with chocolate. But then, so can just about anybody.

The difference between an orc and a goblin: the orc can throw you farther.

Depowered shapechangers do not appreciate being called “shiftless.”

Jack-o-Lanterns like to get lit.

A black cat crossing your path means bad luck for you, unless you’re behind the wheel of a car at the time.

A buzzard circling overhead means good luck … for the buzzard.

Using a dragon to barbecue burgers is considered animal abuse and will bring down the wrath of PETA upon you. Using a dragon to barbecue obnoxious PETA adherents is perfectly acceptable.

Don’t worry about the monster under the bed. The dust bunnies will get it.

Pteranodons do not breathe fire. However, their farts can be deadly.


Got a bit of a lift from an unexpected source the other day. Friday’s episode of Supernatural had Dean turn into a vampire. Since I had “cast” Jensen Ackles as the vampire hero of my story, it was almost like seeing my character on screen. He even cleaned out a vampire nest, in a scene that mirrored a similar scene in my story. This is probably as close as I’ll ever get to seeing my stuff on TV. If Sam becomes a prostitute next week, my life will be complete.


Savanna Kougar said...

Omygawd, Pat, that list is *so* funny! Though, my black cat girl, Sable, loves to dash in front of cars and taunt the drivers during Halloween.

Thanks, for lifting my spirits. I needed it.

Congrats on getting that close to TV... yeah, I know what you mean. I've seen some plots I've dreamed up on various shows. A dollar short and a day way too late... not, that I'd ever be allowed to write for TV... way too radical and rebellious!

Rebecca Murray said...

LOL! I wonder how the lead pipe in newspaer would go over with the cops?

"No officer, I'm not planning on assaulting my boyfriend. This is only for protection from werewolves. Well, no, mace doesn't really do as good a job..."

Serena Shay said...

LOL...great list! Those dust bunnies can be snarly if they don't get their nightly dose of MUTB!

Oooh wasn't Supernatural just loverly!!! Dean could bite me all night long if only he could take that drop of blood!

hmmm, Sam as a prostitute. That could work! Can you imagine the sheer numbers of car accidents he'd cause! heh heh Seriously though, what the heck is going on with him and who might have caught a trip out of hell with him??

Pat C. said...

I'm inclined to buy into a theory proposed on another forum, that with all the Alpha Monsters roaming around, Sam is being groomed as the Alpha Hunter. Maybe we'll get some answers on Friday.

I mean it about those pteranodons. They're toxic.

Serena Shay said...

Hmmm... An Alpha Hunter, that could be. Maybe Friday will give us a better idea especially since Cass appears to be back! Yum!

Pat C. said...

Yay, Cas! Love me some nerdy angel. I put him in the story too, in a small but vital cameo as a vampire slayer. Seriously, you could probably hide a ton of stakes under that coat.