By Pat Cunningham
The recent speculations on werebears got me to wondering if there are any other types of overlooked shifters out there, and why we haven’t heard of them. Or maybe there’s good reason it’s the alpha wolves and sleek big cats who get all the favorable press …
BOAR – Heya, sweetcakes. I’m the other white meat. C’mon home with me to my sty. We’ll root around for Cheetos in the sofa. You got some poundage on ya, but I like ‘em hefty. Hey, where ya going? Picky sow.
SNAKE – You are so warm and cuddly. I want to hold you tight. Really, really tight.
RHINO – I see you admiring the bod. Nice, eh? I work out. Feel that muscle. Solid as a rock. Skin’s a little rough but hey, we can’t all be perfect. You know what they say about the horn, right? It’s all true. I’m a horny guy. Heh heh.
SLOTH – I don’t believe in instant anything. I like to take things slow. Twenty-minute kisses. Sex that goes on for hours. Days, even. What? Time’s up already? Why the rush? You people need to relaaaaxxxx.
SQUIRREL – Hey, baby, check out my nuts.
RABBIT – You. Me. Saturday night. Salad bar. My place afterward. It’ll be quick like a bunny but there’ll be lots of it. Hope you like big families.
OWL – Did I startle you? I apologize. I tend to move in silence. I want to sweep you into my arms and fly with you through the velvet darkness of the night. I – excuse me. I was feeling a bit peckish and that squirrel looked so – (urp).
SKUNK – It’s not B.O. It’s pure masculine musk. I’m a hot stud. Really. C’mon, I took three baths today. Gimme a break here. Please?
STAG – I’m not looking for a long-term relationship. I’m all about fun, sweetie. Romping naked through the forest, that’s my thing. Except for gunning season, then it gets dicey. We can stay in and watch videos. But not “Bambi.” I have to sit through that tripe again I swear to Artemis I’m gonna gore somebody.
WOLVERINE – Hugh Jackman? Never heard of him.