Saints on Parade

Happy day after Halloween! Still bingeing on candy? Ticked off because the idea for the perfect costume hit right after you got in from trick or treating? Well, forget it. Halloween’s over. It’s All Saints Day now, and I’ve got a list of saints relevant to us as writers and shapeshifter lovers, and a couple of extras to boot. This information comes from the Catholic Online site. Because they have “Catholic” in their name, I’m willing to take their word for it.

First, a couple of oddballs. Bartholomew the Apostle is the patron of Florentine cheese merchants. I kid you not. Erasmus, aka Elmo, is the saint of ammunition, ordnance, and explosive workers, as well as the patron of abdominal pains. It’s kind of the same thing, now that I think about it. Dominic Savio is the patron of young boys. Yeah, I’ll just bet you are, you slimy perv. Martin de Porres is the patron saint of hairdressers, sweetie. I’m not sure why rabies needs a patron saint, but that would be Hubert. Cassian of Imola, patron of shorthand writers, was probably put out of work by the computer age and should look for some other tech to support.

Now for saints for our shapeshifters. Francis of Assisi, patron saint of animals, heads the pack. After you marry your shifter, you can light a candle to Antony the Abbot, patron of domestic animals. Saint Gall watches over birds, and Saint Mark reps cattle breeders. That would take care of all those sexy cowboys, and the werebulls hiding out on their ranches. Martin of Tours is the patron of both geese and horses and, I would assume, winged horses. Joseph of Cupertino, patron of flying, might be sacred to dragons. We know they’re not fond of Saint George.

The Archangel Michael oversees death, while Andrew Avellino is responsible for sudden death, which all shifters need to watch out for. Joseph of Cupertino, the flight guy, is also the patron saint of happy death. I’m not sure what a happy death would be, unless you’re a vulture or a jackal. Then every death is happy because you get to eat. Saint Jude is the patron of desperate situations and lost causes, two things both shapeshifters and writers might be all too familiar with.

On the other side of the keyboard we have: Francis de Sales, patron of writers and journalists; John of God and Thomas Aquinas, sharing the load as the patron saints of booksellers; and John Bosco, patron of editors. The Archangel Gabriel is the patron saint of television. Wonder if he was responsible for “Jersey Shore”?

I’d like to propose my own saint for the list: Juan Valdez, patron saint of caffeine, without which a lot of us would never make deadline. Happy writing, y’all!