Wednesday, July 4, 2012

Happy Independance Day

Guts ‘N Butts Gazette

Special Editorial by guest editor Walden Smith, Fire Chief or Talbot’s Peak

Howdy folks! Fire Chief Walden Smith here with my yearly ‘Ten Commandments of July Fourth Safety.” As you all know, there are ten separate wild fires burning in the state of Montana right now and more than forty burning across the entire western United States. This stuff is serious, so let’s try and follow these commandments this year and not start any wild fires in our own back yard.

 No campfires, bonfires, or open flame cooktops. It’s hot enough, you don’t need them for warmth and there are other ways to cook that won’t leave you as the carcass on the fire!
  No fireworks. Not even kiddie sparklers. Even one spark from them could set the saw grass on fire, as dry as it is this year.
 If you are going to grill, keep a large amount of water handy. A little spray bottle of water can help with flare-ups but make sure you have something a little bigger available as well, just in case someone nocks over the grill.
 No guns, please. If you must practice your marksmanship, stick to super soakers and water bombs.
  No ‘creative lighting solutions.’ This one goes out to the Coyote brothers specifically. They started a small fire last year by using jumper cables to run electricity out to their shed. Any fire started like that this year will not be small.
 No smoking outdoors. I know most smokers say that they are careful with their cigarette butts, but there are ashtray fires all the time started by people who didn’t put their butts out all the way. That’s a recipe for disaster, as dry as it’s been this year.
  No motorized vehicles in the grasslands. A hot exhaust can get dry the saw grass burning. Be safe and hoof it.
  Do not use this list as an excuse to beat the snot out of a rule-breaking neighbor.
  Do not break these rules in order to get your pissy neighbor to come over and confront you.
  Do not sneak on to your arch enemies land and break them and then call the police. We check the caller as well as all people found on the premises.

All that being said, there are some great events planned this year by myself and the city council to make sure everyone has a safe and festive Fourth of July.

  •  Ghost Trail Ride: the Haunted Trail Ride was so popular last Halloween that we have talked Merry and Dash into holding a summer version. It begins at sundown at the north end of town. Admission is $1 for the wagon and $5 for horseback.           
  •       Music in the Park: there will be five stages set up with music spanning may cultures and genre tastes. This is free, so bring a pick-a-nick basket and the kiddies for what promises to be an interesting melding of cultures.
  • ·         Marksmanship Exhibition: Who needs firearms when you can have a safe Fourth of July with the old stand-bys of archery and knife throwing. Heck, Digger’s even going to do a boomerang demo. There will be plenty of straw bales set out for practice targets, so bring your bows down and enter into the all Talbot’s Peak Marksmanship Challenge.

As well as the formal events, many local vendors will have stalls and goodies available. So come on down and have a fire-free independence Day!


Pat C. said...

July 4th in Talbot's Peak:
"Rats, no grilling. Guess we'll have to catch our own and eat it raw again."
"No problem, I'll put some salt and pepper in my purse. What about fireworks?"
"Wear something loose and easily discardable."
"Oooh! I love your roman candle."

Happy Birthday, America!

Savanna Kougar said...


This year is a good year to go fire-free. There are plenty of other ways to celebrate with a *BANG*. The Pleasure Club is sponsoring a special Bang For a Buck All Night Party -- very willing Bucks available. Or Fireworks All Night Long Dance with rooms already reserved for your 'fireworks' to follow.

Rebecca Gillan said...

I could shoot myself, actually. I gave myself lots of "after action report" story ideas and I'm only half way through posting my Fat Aussie Bastard" story. I'm picturing Guri hyped up on sugar doing a 'flash dance', lex being pissy at Digger 'chasing' him with boomerangs, ect. Oh, well.

Savanna Kougar said...

Rebecca, lots of good story fodder for later... ~smiles~

Pat C. said...

Yeah. Take copious notes. Some days the creative well runs dry and you'll be glad you have back up.

By the way, who's throwing the boomerangs? Is it Digger, the wolf with the vegetable garden, or Dugger, Savanna's Aussie dingo?

Rebecca Gillan said...

Um, Dugger, I guess. LOL! I've been reading his name as "Digger" all this time. No wonder I was getting a bit confused about here the freaking garden came into chasing intergalactic bad guys!

Serena Shay said...

LOL...great article for the paper! Always a good idea to remind the town residents to mind their P's & Q's. :D

Happy 4th, ladies!

Pat C. said...

Rebecca, no prob. We've got two senior-citizen wolves named Vernon. One's marrying Miss Elly, and the other knocked up his twenty-something squeeze. That town's getting mighty crowded.

Savanna Kougar said...

Talbot's Peak and the area around it is thriving!