Wednesday, January 26, 2011


Guts & Butts Gazette, volume 2011-1-26
Police Blotter

1/25 - Report of a fight in the woods outside of the Interspecies Pleasure Club. Responding officers found what appeared to be copious amounts of blood and some animal fur appearing to be some kind of cat or wolf. No reports of injury to the hospital.

1/17 - Update to Report of fight in the woods behind the Interspecies Pleasure Club. Testing came back on the blood and fur found at last week’s fight scene. Either a very big rabbit got into a fight with an Asian Tiger or someone staged a hoax.

1/10 - DUI. Arrested was Edger Jennings Smith of 736 Wolfbane Lane. Shith was found driving erratic and was suspected of being under the influence of drugs when he began babbling about snakes turning into ken dolls. He stated that he had just left the Interspecies Pleasure Club.

**********

“It’s all perfectly harmless, Sheriff,” Nick reassured the elderly non-human. Damn, the swore at himself. Almost said that out loud! With the strain of not dry humping in front of the sheriff and trying to find where the submission forms for the weekly blotter, he was having trouble remembering to act cordially toward the county’s top law officer. Too bad the shifter council wouldn’t let them field a shifter for the election. Who cared about keeping the humans comfortable. His life would be easier if he didn’t have to play intermediary between the humans and his own kind. It wasn’t like he was in charge of the local pack, after all. Now where did Penny file that damn form?

“Between all these reports of an inter-species pleasure club, whatever that is, and all the fights that get reported around there, I’m not sure I agree, McMahon.” The wiry old coot shook his head in disgust. “These kids today, I’ll tell ya. If it ain’t one thing, it’s another.”

“Kids gotta be kids, right?” Nick chuckled, finally find the damn submissions form under “S.” Why in Lycan’s name had Penny filed it there? Forms should be under “F.” She needed to get her colorful tail feathers back here ASAP!

“Youngster didn’t used to be like than back in the day…” the sheriff began. Nick fought the impulse to roll his eyes. Dinosaurs probably roamed these hills back in the day, as the old cook put it. Lycan knows why the sheriff didn’t just retire to some old coot’s home down in Florida. Every week, it was the same old thing. The sheriff bringing the blotter down personally rather than sending a deputy. Him bitching to Nick about how the county was supposedly going to the dogs. That part really put a flee under Nick’s collar- they were wolves, not dogs! Not that the ancient human knew that, of course, but still…

As the sheriff droned on about life in the Jurassic age when he’d been a boy, Nick spotted Zeva sashaying her sweet, tight little tush past his office. Was that a new dress she was wearing?

“Is there something you want to tell me, boy?”

Nick looked back at the sheriff quickly, pasting a bland smile on his face.

“No,” he replied airily. “Why?”

“Because the moment you saw Miss Wilk walk by, you started going at that desk like my old hound dog when ever there was a bitch in heat near by,” the sheriff replied. Nick looked at him, confused, then looked down. Aw, scat! He was dry humping the desk again.

**********

I hope you enjoyed that little bit of flash. I couldn’t resist! Not much news this week. Or nothing that could compete with the stuff coming out of Talbot’s Peak, Montana, anyway! My next release, EQUAL PARTNERS, will be released Friday and is now available for pre-order. It’s book two of my “Wild Lords” series. Pop on over to BookStrand and take a look! And remember to have a little fun this week as we close out the year of the tiger and get ready to enter the year of the bunny.

Rebecca
RebeccaLGillan.com

14 comments:

Serena Shay said...

Yep, there's that Zeva, working it again...poor Nick. ~wink~

lol...the old coot sheriff might be annoying, but he's definitely blind to the going's on of Talbot's Peak. Let's hope the state doesn't send in someone young and fresh to replace him!

Nice job, Rebecca

Savanna Kougar said...

Rebecca, that was great! Yeah, that Sheriff needs to get wise, retire or join in... Ah, poor Nick. Even I'm beginning to feel for him. Only a desk for company.

Savanna Kougar said...

Rebecca, do you want to feature your new release on Sunday?

Pat C. said...

Geez, Nick! You're in public! If he isn't careful, Zeva will have to buy him the neutering/sympathy card.

What's the circulation of the Guts and Butts Gazette? Are they online? I'm just worried that Sam and Dean might get hold of a copy and decide to check things out.

Made it through the first part of the storm. We're supposed to get Part 2 and more snow tonight. Shovelling is the only exercise I get, so I shouldn't complain.

Rebecca Murray said...

Can do if no one else has anything planned, Savanna.

Hopefully when Nick finally gets his lady, she'll treat him to plenty of the other kind of desk surfing. =D

Savanna Kougar said...

Rebecca, Sunday should be just GREAT!

Savanna Kougar said...

Pat, take care. And don't do too much shoveling.

If Sam and Dean do, they better watch their supernatural step, and be prepared to play nice.

Rebecca Murray said...

Hm. I wonder how Sam or Dean would have delt with skunk funk or magical mange...

Pat C. said...

Be ironic if, after dealing with assassins, spirit creatures and superwolves, Shere Khan met his end at the hands of a human hunter.

Sam with mange ... not a pretty picture.

Pat C. said...

Be even funnier if he got shot by drunken deer hunters.

"Hey, look, Billybob, that buck got stripes!"

Savanna Kougar said...

Oh, you guys! gals, actually... yeah, Pat, that would be ironic if a human got Shere Khan.

Drunken deer hunters... I dunno, Shere Khan ought to be able SNIFF them out... reeking of beer, that is...

Or...

"Hey, look, Billybob, that buck got stripes!And not an antler on 'im."

Rebecca Murray said...

Oh, please, Pat. You know you'd willingly offer to help him get medicated for it or even give him a tomato juice bath if it came to the skunk funk.

I was thinking more along the lines of what they would do in retribution. I just can't picture either chucking a water balloon because someone him 'em with mange powder...

Pat C. said...

Currently picturing Sam in a bathtub, with Castiel as towel boy. Ohhhh yeahhhhh ...

Why couldn't Shere Khan be mistakenly shot by hunters? If hunters can mistake a man in fluorescent orange for a deer, they shouldn't have any trouble shooting a tiger in Montana.

Savanna Kougar said...

Pat, yeah, drunken hunters could easily mistake anything for anything and shoot at it... however, from my way of thinking this through, Shere Khan, unless altered in some adverse way, would, like any tiger, smell drunken humans and avoid them. Or, in Shere Khan's case, torment them. However, as the author you can make up any scenario you want. I was merely trying to experience it from the animal's perspective, instincts, and senses.