Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Squirrel Interupted and Other Amusing Tales
Hi and welcome to your Wednesday fix of Shapeshifter Seductions. Rebecca here, writing while huddled in front of my heater, wearing a fluffy afghan like it was an article of clothing and sipping hot chocolate laced with Bailey‘s. How about those frigid temps hitting most of the northern hemisphere? Normally I’d be wishing I was down south, but I’d rather be freezing than trying to outrun a wall of flood water like they did in Australia this week!
Let’s get right to the news stories, shall we? This first one has nothing to do with shape shifters but it was just too good not to include in the blog. A man in Union, NJ, stabbed 2 women while seeking the portal to hell in their shed. A woman noticed stuff that was supposed to be in the shed strewn around the yard last Friday morning and went to investigate.
Rules of engagement in horror movies say that was a very bad idea- the woman who investigates something like that is destined to be attacked by a knife-wielding weirdo. The woman’s roommate trying to help just fed into the Rule of Stuff You Shouldn’t Do. Luckily, the neighborhood hero, baseball bat in hand, came to their rescue and knocked said weirdo out after sustaining a few stab wounds himself. No, I did not make any of that up.
Also in the news last week was a wedding between 2 magic snakes in Cambodia. The ceremony, recommended by fortune tellers, lasted two hours and was attended by hundreds of villagers. The bride was a sixteen-foot, two hundred pound python who’d been a part of the Vy family for sixteen years. The groom was just recently caught by Ms. Min Hao but in those few short days had already come to be like a son to her. I really liked this story. Unlike a lot of the oddball stories out there, this one has nothing but happy vibes. Most Cambodians are animists and also Buddhists. It’s almost a shame that more religions can’t be this benign about how to find peace and good luck in the new year.
Last but not least, a video that has inspired me to write a bit of flash fiction. A squirrel found itself in a tiger enclosure at the Buffalo, NY, zoo and lived to tell the tale.
As I sat watching this vid, a whole scenario popped into my head. It would seen Gil got into trouble trying to get a few wolf hairs so the coven could alter the shape shifting spell so he could not be a squirrel any more. For those of you just tuning in, a while ago Pat wrote a bit of flash involving Gil who just wanted to be a werewolf… but wasn’t careful enough about his sources when obtaining is magic-working supplies. Here’s the link back to that post.
And without further ado, Squirrel Interrupted:
“Where was that wolf enclosure again?” Gil asked himself aloud. Everything looked different as a squirrel than it did has a human. The zoo kept the wolves indoors at night to avoid noise complaints from the home owner’s association for the high-dollar condos down the street. Complaining about howling wolves because your dumb ass bought a condo right next to a zoo was up there in the stupid rankings right next to bitching about noisy airplanes after buying a home next to an airport but he had to admit it was to his advantage. There was no way he’d be able to get into the wolf enclosure to get a sample of hairs in his human form and no way he’d be able to get past the wolves as a squirrel.
He was still smarting a bit at the way the jackass magical supply dealer had laughed at him when he demanded a full refund on his last purchase. He’d been told he was buying wolf hairs, not squirrel hairs. That simple fact, in Gil’s book, meant the “sold as-is” clause was null and void. That’s what he got for patronizing a donkey, though.
Ah! This must be it, he though gleefully. He took a quick glance around to make sure there were no zoo keepers or guards around and darted into the enclosure.
Twenty minutes later…
“Now lady, maybe we can talk this over,” Gil said to the tigress below. He wished all he had to do was console a pissed-off female, but she looked way too pleased with herself.
“You bet, my luscious morsel,” she purred like a cat lapping up cream. “Come on down here and we’ll just have a little heart-to-heart chat, shall we?”
Gil looked down at her then up at the softly glowing full moon. On the one hand, he would be able to shift back to human form as soon as it set. On the other hand, he had no idea how he was going to explain being naked in a tiger pen…
“You don’t want to eat me,” he chuckled nervously. “I’m way too stringy.”
“You are male,” she purred happily. “And if my nose is correct, you aren’t only a little squirrel. I have not had a male in a long, long time…”
Oh shit. Gil gulped nervously. It just dawned on him how unlikely it would be for a real tiger to be able to talk to a talking were-squirrel.
That’s about it for this week. Have a marvelous rest of the week!